Archive for 2010

You Do Have to Ap­pre­ci­ate That She’s Will­ing to Walk a Mile in Some­one Else’s Shoes

50-year-old re­cep­tion­ist, about in­ter­vie­wee: I did­n’t like her. The in­ter­view­ers aren’t go­ing to like her. She’s not go­ing to get the job. I can just tell these things.
Re­cruiter: What did she do that you did­n’t like about her?
50-year-old re­cep­tion­ist: Her shoes were too big for her. Prob­a­bly a half size, maybe even a whole size too big! Ugh! (rolls eyes)

Hous­ton, Texas

Over­heard by: yikes

Does That Mean We Get to Kick You in the Groin?

Pe­on to fel­low cube-mates: What would hap­pen if no one ever reached their tar­get, but they just kept plac­ing it fur­ther and fur­ther away for the sake of “striv­ing for ex­cel­lence”? (pause) Sounds like you’re set­ting up your peo­ple for fail­ure. You ever watch Nin­ja War­rior? That show is the bomb. They have crazy, se­mi-im­pos­si­ble ob­sta­cle cours­es, and if a con­tes­tant pass­es all four stages, they win. The point is, no one is sup­posed to win! The ob­sta­cles get hard­er and hard­er to keep peo­ple from suc­ceed­ing, not to hope and pray that they win… You are all hon­orary nin­ja war­riors.

Ba­ton Rouge, Louisiana

Over­heard by: Rio

The Mam­mo­grams Are on Me!

Boss on phone: What do you mean she’s can­cel­ing the meet­ing? (pause) De­layed? Why? (pause) She has breast can­cer? That’s great! (pause) Oh no! I must have cut out, I said “that’s a great tragedy.” (pause) Well, that must be aw­ful. (pause) I see, well, send her my best. (pause) Thank you, bye now. (to en­tire of­fice) Can­cer just saved my ass! Who wants to go for drinks?

Chi­na­town
Man­hat­tan, New York

Tonight on The Ori­fice

Good look­ing male com­put­er geek: Her nick is “slut­pants.” That sounds… promis­ing.
African Amer­i­can geek: Girl, don’t even act like you don’t have a pair of slut pants.
Gin­ger geek: I’m so slut­ty I don’t wear pants!
African Amer­i­can geek: You’re gonna get gon­or­rhea.
Gin­ger geek: I’d rather get syph. It’s the ro­man­tic STD.
Good look­ing male com­put­er geek: Well, too bad you’re go­ing to get gon­or­rhea!

Pitts­burgh, Penn­syl­va­nia