Archive for 2010

Tonight’s Movie: He’s Just Not That Far In­to You

Slut­ty girl: Ugh, I feel all queasy to­day. Like even the smell of wa­ter makes me want to puke.
Girl #1: Last time I felt like that I was preg­nant.
Slut­ty girl: Don’t say that!
Girl #2: When was the last time you got some?
Slut­ty girl: Like two weeks ago. Oh, but nev­er mind, Dav­e’s* dick was so small there’s no way I’m preg­nant.

Texas

Is It Wrong That That Just Makes Me Want Her More?

Male of­fice work­er: Megan Fox is so hot in the Trans­form­ers movie…
Fe­male of­fice work­er: Ex­cept for her thumb.
Male of­fice work­er: What?
Fe­male of­fice work­er: Se­ri­ous­ly, google “Megan Fox thumb.“
Male of­fice work­er, af­ter googling it: Oh my god!
Fe­male of­fice work­er: See?

Free­hold, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: Max

Nev­er Force Your USB Plug, Dear Read­er

Fe­male cowork­er: Here. Put it in here.
Male cowork­er: It does­n’t fit right.
Fe­male cowork­er: Se­ri­ous­ly? I think it was made for this.
Male cowork­er: No, re­al­ly, it just does­n’t feel right. I’ll have to find an­oth­er way.
Fe­male cowork­er: Dude! Just stick it in and we’ll sort it out lat­er!

Bal­ti­more, Mary­land

Um, Ac­tu­al­ly

Of­fice girl #1: Any­way, that’s how this gi­ant hoo-hah got start­ed in the first place.
(snick­er­ing comes from near­by cu­bi­cles)
Of­fice girl #1: What? Did I use the wrong word?
Of­fice girl #2: Well, that de­pends on what you’re talk­ing about.
Boss man: I think you mean ‘hoopla,” but you ba­si­cal­ly just said “gi­ant vagi­na.”

Ok­la­homa City, Ok­la­homa

Over­heard by: freudi­an­flip