Colleague: He has trouble communicating. He can only say one word at a time.
Lawrenceville, New Jersey
Overheard by: Exceptional Communicator
Archive for December, 2010
If Your Editors Had a Slap Chop, We'd Abuse It Every Day
Coworker #1: Slap chop? Oh, that guy is hilarious!
Coworker #2: Oh, yeah, he went to jail. For getting beaten up by a hooker!
Coworker #1: What? She beat him up, or he beat her up?
Coworker #2: He hit her, and she punched him back in the eye. His mugshot has a big black eye in it.
Coworker #1: See, he should have gotten a daintier hooker.
Coworker #2: Yeah… That's the moral of the story.
Reston, Virginia
I Mean, What Kind Of Assistant Brings You a Mochaccino Instead Of a Skim Latte??
Sales rep on phone with customer: And then I spanked him and put him back inside. I was so mad at him!
Keene, New Hampshire
Dan Brown Can't Find That, Either
Peon #1: What are you looking for?
Peon #2: A thesaurus.
Peon #1: Is that by Dan Brown?
Manhattan, New York
At the Boston Sex Education Hotline
Coworker on phone: Thanks! I'll definitely get naked for my husband!
Boston, Massachusetts
But Nothing's Cuter Than a Little Bitch
White female coworker #1: My friend's pregnant. She hopes it's a black baby or a dog. They're both cute.
White female coworker #2: Yeah, black babies are cuter…
City Hall
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: betsyvonawesome
…Oh Wait — Beep Beeeeep!! — Now It's a Fax!
Guy on phone: No, I'm not calling you. I'm not calling you right now. I'm e-mailing you. This is an e-mail, not a phone call.
Toledo, Ohio
Overheard by: Confused Puppy
Thanks! I Dabbed a Little Bengay Behind My Ears!
Male office worker to another: Dude, you smell like my grandma… And my grandma smells delicious!
Des Moines, Iowa
Romantic Comedy Screenwriter: Gold!
Stunned server, after seeing shapely female exec chef in street clothes: Chef! You're a girl!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: irrelevant
There's Some Leftover Horse Cutlet in the Fridge
40-something coworker: I have a headache. I need a meat sandwich.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Maybe you should post on Craigslist