…For Sex?

Fe­male cowork­er: Are you busy? Do you have a sec?
Male cowork­er, dis­tract­ed­ly: Sure, I have lots of secs. (looks up, re­al­izes what he just said) Go away and come back and start this con­ver­sa­tion over again, please.
Fe­male cowork­er: Ex­cuse me, but do you have a mo­ment?

Rome, New York

Sell Safe Out There, Ed­die

Sales­man, about prospec­tive cus­tomer: I got­ta hook up with this guy. I’m re­al­ly gonna pound his ass!

Cana­dia

This Con­ver­sa­tion Is Ova.

Pa­tient: Are there are any re­stric­tions to take af­ter hav­ing my in­jec­tions?
Nurse: Do not eat beef.
Pa­tient: What about eggs?
Nurse: Eggs are okay.
Pa­tient: But eggs are from cows…

Bev­er­ly Hills, Cal­i­for­nia

The Tra­di­tion­al Method Of Fir­ing Em­ploy­ees in Jack­sonville

Ad­min slave: The chick­en on my desk is full of mon­ey!

Med­ical Of­fice
Jack­sonville, Flori­da

Pound­ing Steak Seems On­ly to Ten­der­ize It

Film di­rec­tor: He’s phys­i­cal­ly per­fect for the role, but I don’t think I can knock the gay out of him.

Or­lan­do, Flori­da

Over­heard by: arfnotz

…It’s 60% Porn

Sales­per­son, about Sprint Eco phone: Yeah! It’s made out of 40% porn! (pause) I mean “corn.” I am so sor­ry!

Sprint Store
Las Ve­gas, Neva­da

Over­heard by: In­ter­est­ed Cus­tomer

That Means It Was Good for You!

Art di­rec­tor, af­ter par­tic­u­lar­ly greasy lunch: Uh­hh. My fin­gers smell worse than it tast­ed.

Boul­der, Col­orado

Over­heard by: the new guy

…to Peel My Ba­nanas!

Fe­male teacher: You squashed my ba­nana!
Male teacher: Here, just have my ba­nana.
Fe­male teacher: I don’t want your ba­nana.
Male teacher: Look, just eat my ba­nana.
Fe­male teacher: No!
(male teacher walks away in dis­gust)
Fe­male teacher, shout­ing af­ter him: I on­ly like la­dy fin­gers!

Bar­won Heads
Aus­tralia

Hey, That Nun Want­ed Them in Her Mouth.

Se­nior col­league: Weren’t you ar­rest­ed for putting flares in in­ap­pro­pri­ate places?

Mel­bourne
Aus­tralia

Over­heard by: con­fused but amused

Was­n’t That a Chal­lenge on Project Run­way?

Cowork­er, prepar­ing to go to ceme­tery: I need a go-to fu­ner­al dress.

Dal­las, Texas