Salesman, about prospective customer: I gotta hook up with this guy. I’m really gonna pound his ass!
Canadia
Archive for November, 2010
This Conversation Is Ova.
Patient: Are there are any restrictions to take after having my injections?
Nurse: Do not eat beef.
Patient: What about eggs?
Nurse: Eggs are okay.
Patient: But eggs are from cows…
Beverly Hills, California
The Traditional Method Of Firing Employees in Jacksonville
Admin slave: The chicken on my desk is full of money!
Medical Office
Jacksonville, Florida
Pounding Steak Seems Only to Tenderize It
Film director: He’s physically perfect for the role, but I don’t think I can knock the gay out of him.
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: arfnotz
…It’s 60% Porn
Salesperson, about Sprint Eco phone: Yeah! It’s made out of 40% porn! (pause) I mean “corn.” I am so sorry!
Sprint Store
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Interested Customer
That Means It Was Good for You!
Art director, after particularly greasy lunch: Uhhh. My fingers smell worse than it tasted.
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: the new guy
…to Peel My Bananas!
Female teacher: You squashed my banana!
Male teacher: Here, just have my banana.
Female teacher: I don’t want your banana.
Male teacher: Look, just eat my banana.
Female teacher: No!
(male teacher walks away in disgust)
Female teacher, shouting after him: I only like lady fingers!
Barwon Heads
Australia
Hey, That Nun Wanted Them in Her Mouth.
Senior colleague: Weren’t you arrested for putting flares in inappropriate places?
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: confused but amused
Wasn’t That a Challenge on Project Runway?
Coworker, preparing to go to cemetery: I need a go-to funeral dress.
Dallas, Texas
Your Opinion Doesn’t Count. You Eat at Arby’s.
Admin #1: What are you eating? it smells terrible.
Admin #2: It’s yogurt, for Christ’s sake!
Admin #1: What kind of yogurt?
Admin #2: Strawberry yogurt!
Admin #1: With curdled strawberries! It stinks!
Admin #2: Look, Joe* was just here using the microwave to heat up ass.
Admin #1: That ass smelled delicious.
Fordham University
The Bronx, New York
