Female coworker: Are you busy? Do you have a sec?
Male coworker, distractedly: Sure, I have lots of secs. (looks up, realizes what he just said) Go away and come back and start this conversation over again, please.
Female coworker: Excuse me, but do you have a moment?
Rome, New York
Salesman, about prospective customer: I gotta hook up with this guy. I'm really gonna pound his ass!
Canadia
Patient: Are there are any restrictions to take after having my injections?
Nurse: Do not eat beef.
Patient: What about eggs?
Nurse: Eggs are okay.
Patient: But eggs are from cows…
Beverly Hills, California
Admin slave: The chicken on my desk is full of money!
Medical Office
Jacksonville, Florida
Training teacher: So, what are some things that you guys think are covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act?
Male teen student: Obesity?
Training teacher, with blank stare: Um, I don't think so. Anyone else?
Female teen student: How about being an old person?
Training teacher: Oooooooh boy. How about we just take a look at this slide up here…
Duane Reade Career Center
Manhattan, New York
Film director: He's physically perfect for the role, but I don't think I can knock the gay out of him.
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: arfnotz
Salesperson, about Sprint Eco phone: Yeah! It's made out of 40% porn! (pause) I mean “corn.” I am so sorry!
Sprint Store
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Interested Customer
Art director, after particularly greasy lunch: Uhhh. My fingers smell worse than it tasted.
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: the new guy
Female teacher: You squashed my banana!
Male teacher: Here, just have my banana.
Female teacher: I don't want your banana.
Male teacher: Look, just eat my banana.
Female teacher: No!
(male teacher walks away in disgust)
Female teacher, shouting after him: I only like lady fingers!
Barwon Heads
Australia
Senior colleague: Weren't you arrested for putting flares in inappropriate places?
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: confused but amused