…So We’re Giv­ing You a Pro­mo­tion.

Se­nior de­vel­op­er: This code is all wrong. But it’s pre­dictably all wrong.

Austin, Texas

Over­heard by: non-coder

Busi­ness De­ci­sion Mak­ing: Ex­plained

Sales to an­oth­er: I like cheese, ex­cept on Chi­nese food. I don’t like cheese on Chi­nese food. Is there a P.F. Chang’s around here?

Hilliard, Ohio

What Is It About Dry, Fac­tu­al Phone Sex?

Con­sul­tant: I just pulled it out. I’m com­ing.

Louisiana State Uni­ver­si­ty
Ba­ton Rouge, Louisiana

It Was A Re­al­i­ty Pro­gram. and There Was this As­sis­tant Man­ag­er…

CSR: I saw the dumb­est pro­gram on tele­vi­sion last night.
As­sis­tant Man­ag­er: You’ll have those on tele­vi­sion.

In­di­ana

What? It’s Ster­ile!

Man­ag­er on phone with cus­tomer ser­vice: If they shit on me, I’ll piss on them.

Toron­to
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: Cue

…Right Be­tween My Legs.

Cube girl, an­swer­ing phone: This is Ju­lia*.
Voice on phone: Pussy, pussy.
Cube girl: Oh my god, John*! (her hus­band) I have you on speak­er!

An­chor­age, Alas­ka

Is Body Size the Last Ac­cept­able Prej­u­dice? Dis­cuss.

Cowork­er: Dude, what’s the best Chi­nese place for lunch?
Over­weight sec­re­tary: Ru­by Foo’s, just be­low us!
Cowork­er: Thanks! (aside) See, the whale’s good for some­thing.

Man­hat­tan, New York

I’d Sug­gest a High-Five, but I Have to Sit Down

Over­ac­tive of­fice em­ploy­ee: Do you know what we are know as among the oth­er agen­cies in Philadel­phia?
Cube mate: The fat kids.
Over­ac­tive of­fice em­ploy­ee: The fat kids.

Philadel­phia, Penn­syl­va­nia

I Sup­pose That’s More Of Your East Coast Sar­casm

Cowork­er #1 to cowork­er #2, car­ry­ing mo­tor­cy­cle hel­met: Did you ride in to­day?
Cowork­er #2: Nope, my dri­ving has just been so poor re­cent­ly that I thought the hel­met was a good move.

Lit­tle­ton, Col­orado

Over­heard by: 3rd cowork­er

Who’s a Tough World? You Are!

Re­cep­tion­ist on phone: It’s a tough world out there. Like they say, it’s a dog­gy-dog world.

San Jose, Cal­i­for­nia