I Think I’d Find That Tough to Swallow, Sir.

Boss to subordinate: Hey, you should come back to my place for a big load!

Newmarket
Ontario
Canadia

Also Good Advice for Prison.

Employee to another, giving advice on batting stance: Yeah, you wanna stay straight. No, you don’t wanna bend over.

Nashville, Tennessee

Well What’s Wrong with Rounding?

Service rep: The program was running, and it sends about one e‑mail a second.
Customer: Okay, I think it was going for about five minutes, so it sent 800 e‑mails.
Service rep: Um… Not really… No.

Ontario
Canadia

We’re All Looking Forward to Tomorrow

Coworker, about performance reviews: That’s where the managers are. In the conference room with their people, doing it.

Tacoma, Washington

Overheard by: Wish I was a manager

The Current State Of Our Economy: Explained.

Sales rep: I’m rich today because I decided not to pay my car payment this month. Suck it, bank!

St. Paul, Minnesota

Overheard by: srsly

…Thus Fulfilling My Lifelong Dream.

Coworker, about new Twitter follower: Never mind, I thought it was a hooker.

Amarillo, Texas

Overheard by: Gina

Is This Conversation for Real?

Customer: Excuse me, maybe you know the answer to this. Are betta fish mythological?
Waiter: Um, no. They’re real.
Customer: Well, I know they’re real, but are they mythological?
(waiter walks away)

Chapel Hill, North Carolina

The Title Of the Abe Lincoln Biography You Really Need to Read

Manager to another: Just because you’re honest doesn’t mean you’re not a dick.

Washington, DC

And Into Your Pants?

Employee: Yeah, and they are supposed to be a big agency.
Boss: Well, bigger is not always better.
Employee: I’d have to disagree in some cases.
Boss: You are dirty, get out of my office.

Scottsdale, Arizona

Is Everything Dramatic in the World Of TV Production?

Producer #1: So we had dinner with Steve and Elaine.
Producer #2: What did Elaine serve–Steve’s heart on a stake?
Producer #1: Close. Veal.

Toronto
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: JennV