Doctor: I’m thinking about going up to Austin this weekend.
Nurse #1: What’s in Houston?
Doctor: Austin.
Nurse #2: What about Houston?
Doctor: Austin!
Smart-ass tech: Boston?
Lackland Air Force Base, Texas
Overheard by: Geographically Declined
Archive for June, 2010
The Mary Poppins Director’s Cut Is Disturbing, to Say the Least
Sales exec: I will beat you to death with your own umbrella.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Heather
Weirdest. Venus Razor Commercial. Ever.
Lady #1: I just had to explain to a 21-year-old what it’s like to go to the gyno for the first time. I explained getting pried apart, the ovary exam and the breast exam.
Lady #2: What about the anal exam?
Ladies #1 and #3: (blank stare) What are you talking about?
Lady #2: Don’t you get an anal exam at your gyno?
Ladies #1 and #3: No!
Lady #1: You were violated!
Lady #3: This is why I have a female gynecologist.
Lady #2: Well, that would explain why he complimented me on my shave, too.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Rizzy
I’ve Helpfully Left the Window Open for You.
Manager: I’m so stressed I’m going to jump out of the 5th floor window.
Coworker: It’s not high enough. You’d need to go to at least the 7th to ensure death.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
And CDs Are the Devil’s Frisbees!
Young hipster : You all should come to this CD release party! You too, Sue*, I’ll even buy you a Shirley Temple!
Old fashioned, anal retentive co-worker: I don’t drink.
Hipster: But it’s non-alcoholic!
Old fashioned, anal retentive co-worker: I said I don’t drink, I don’t drink non-alcoholic!
Hipster, confused: But, uh… There’s no alcohol in it.
Old fashioned, anal retentive co-worker, getting irate: I don’t care! I won’t drink it!
St. Louis, Missouri
Good to See Tech-Savvy People Going Into Education
Teacher: The 6th graders were videotaping themselves at the dance and then posting it on the tube you!
Elementary School
Phoenix, Arizona
Or Any Season in New York
Boss to office: There’s human waste in the air… It must be spring!
Marana, Arizona
…While I Imagine That You’re Antonio Banderas
Latin legal assistant, getting off the phone: That lady just told me to jump in a lake.
Dowdy woman: What is that in Spanish?
Latin legal assistant: She said it in English.
Dowdy woman: Yeah, but I want to hear it in Spanish.
Law Firm
Bay Shore, New York
Once They’re Hooked on Communion Wafers…
Server #1: So he deals drugs to kids?
Server #2: Well… Indirectly.
Los Angeles, California
…It’s Time to Get Things Rolling.
Painter #1: I can’t find that roller anywhere.
Painter #2: Did you check…
Painter #1, interrupting: I’ve looked everywhere.
Painter #2: Did you check your butt?
Painter #1: Did you check your mom’s butt?
Painter #2: Did you check your mom’s face?
Boss painter: Dammit guys, get back to work!
Atlanta, Georgia
