Coworker to another: Shut up, at least my husband lies to me!
Waco, Texas
Overheard by: Chris
Archive for April, 2010
I'm Hoping the Rapture Happens Soon
Disgruntled middle aged CSR, answering phone: Hello. (pause) Oh, just at this stupid meaningless job. How are you?
Aliso Viejo, California
Hey, Banks Don't Have to Slice Anything
Manager: Yeah, I called the bank to get our change ready, but half the time you call them and it's not ready when we get there!
Coworker: Isn't that like what we do, though?
Pizza Place
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Lola
It's Basically Like a Cell Phone in Virginia
Office drone #1: I see you've got a machete.
Office drone #2, wistfully: Who doesn't, in this workaday world?
Williamsburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Stunned into silence
“Not As Much As I Used to Be,” He Said
Lawyer on phone: You know Bob* in the development office, the bald guy with the peg leg? Man, I am always having these Freudian slips around him that are so inappropriate. Like one time, we were talking about girls and he came in and I asked “what about you, Bob, are you a leg man?”
Huntington, New York
Overheard by: Lady Lawyer
And It Can Help Me with Housework!
Female suit on cell: I'm just having a baby, it's not like the entire focus of my life is changing.
Federal Building
Washington, DC
Dog the Bounty Hunter Seems to Have Lost Its Way
University maintenance worker, over walkie-talkie: I was just talking with Lisa, and she says she has like a weird smell in her room. So I was gonna ask if you could come over here and help me smell it.
Hawaii
Overheard by: It takes two people?
Preferably While Impersonating Nixon
Manager: Take the mop bucket over to the mop area.
Employee: How?
Iowa
…With Your Delicious Brain
Workaholic, exiting a meeting: It's less about zombies than you'd think.
St. Louis, Missouri
Raise Your Hand If You Know Who She Is
Boss: She's not here again today. I think she has her period… I'm sure it's either that or something is wrong with her cats.
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: always here and on time