Boss to coworker coming in: Great! My A-Team is here! I need you to go out there and show me your A-ness.
St Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: Blueshirt
Archive for March, 2010
That Just Means There's Not Enough Lube
Female admin assistant: You know how anal I get when it comes to your work.
Male property manager: It's okay, I love anal!
(coworkers laugh)
Male property manager: Well… That didn't come out right.
Vancouver
Canadia
…Ma'am
Coworker on phone: Hi, I was waiting to speak to Doug. (pause) No, Doug is a man, I spoke to a man before. (pause) Oh, sorry, you just didn't sound like the guy I spoke to last time.
Victoria
BC
Canadia
Can't Wait 'til Somebody Gets Pregnant
PMSing office worker: I'm in such a bad mood. I'm bloated and eating everything in sight. It's like, “just bleed, dammit!”
Sympathetic coworker #1: I started this morning, so you should be okay soon.
Sympathetic coworker #2: I started yesterday.
Only male in the office: Fuck me.
Norman, Oklahoma
…Just As Soon As My Monkey Suit Gets Back from the Cleaners.
Boss during meeting: As long as they can get sixty people there, we'll make it happen. If they want to see a monkey fucking a football, we'll make it happen.
Manhattan, New York
Been Fighting the Laws Of Nature Ever Since
Coworker: I'm an engineer that went over to the green side.
US Army Corps of Engineers
Washington, DC
That's One Of the Perks Of Upper Management
Co-manager to another, during Christmas party: You can't keep on screaming “I need this, I need this” as you pin an employee to your lap!
Scranton, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Zen
…Hairy Question
Health inspector to commissioner: So you might be getting a call from this lady about making burgers out of beaver meat.
Secretary to health inspector: Have you ever eaten beaver?
Commissioner, as she walks away: You people can discuss this…
Department of Health
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Alfie
Says the Woman Dressed Like a Teapot?
Copy editor, muttering to herself: Party foul, for dubious misuse of the verb “finger.” (pause) Contractions are your friends! Will everyone stop being so damn British?!
Dundee
Scotland
Overheard by: musingvenus
Never List ESP As One Of Your Skills on Your Resume
Boss: We want to have the title field on the business card, so include on the ordering page a drop-down list so the employee can select a title, and corporate standards are consistent.
IT consultant: No problem, do you have a list of titles?
Boss: No.
IT consultant: So what would you like to have in the drop-down list?
Boss: A list of titles.
Winnipeg
Manitoba
Canadia