Archive for 2009

Are You Talk­ing About Her Vagi­na?

Girl on el­e­va­tor: How mad should I be that he is still pub­licly de­clar­ing love for some­one else?
Friend: You could point it out, say, “You know, I’d feel bet­ter about all the time you spend tex­ting your ex-skank if you took down that you love her on Face­book.“
Girl: I don’t want to jump to con­clu­sions or be crazy any­more, he said that she was like a sis­ter.
Friend: It’s re­al­ly ab­surd to text that much though.
Girl: I don’t know if maybe he meant like in The South?

Boston, Mass­a­chu­setts

Then I Roll Right Out Of His Of­fice

Li­brar­i­an #1: I don’t want to call my moth­er. She’s just go­ing to tell me that I need to lose weight.
Li­brar­i­an #2: You are fine. You do not need to lose weight. As long as you can still walk with­out a cane, you don’t need to lose weight. That’s what I tell my doc­tor when he tells me to lose weight.

Still­wa­ter, Ok­la­homa

You Should Write This Stuff Down, Sir

As­sis­tant to boss: I need to leave ear­ly to­day for a den­tist’s ap­point­ment. Would that be okay?
Boss: Sure, is at 2:30?
As­sis­tant: 2:30?? No, it’s at 3.
Boss: Well, it should be at 2:30.
As­sis­tant: Why?
Boss (chuck­ling): Be­cause you’re tooth hur­ty. Get it? Two thir­ty, tooth hur­ty.
As­sis­tant: Are you kid­ding me?

Dal­las, Texas