Archive for 2009

No Won­der He En­joys Lick­ing Me

Girl em­ploy­ee #1: Yeah, so I went to vis­it my boyfriend in jail last night and they had to drug test me to make sure I was­n’t smug­gling any­thing for him or what­ev­er, and so they swabbed my arms, and it came back pos­i­tive for hero­in!
Girl em­ploy­ee #2: Oh, weird!
Girl em­ploy­ee #1: I know! I don’t even know what hero­in looks like!

British Co­lum­bia

Over­heard by: very con­cerned

…It Was On­ly the One.

Preg­nant em­ploy­ee at cowork­er’s ba­by show­er: Oh, an an­ti-roll pil­low! Thank you!
Male em­ploy­ee: What’s it for?
Preg­nant em­ploy­ee: To keep the ba­by from rolling on­to his stom­ach and pos­si­bly suf­fo­cat­ing in the crib.
Chat­ty woman: My two ba­bies died from sleep­ing on their stom­achs.
(stunned si­lence)
Chat­ty woman: Just kid­ding! (laughs)

Or­lan­do, Flori­da

Over­heard by: of­fice mon­key ex­tra­or­di­naire

I Keep Mine in a Jar in the Of­fice Fridge

Cowork­er #1: I don’t get pay­ing mon­ey to play WoW. You’re es­sen­tial­ly pay­ing for the sat­is­fac­tion of click­ing a but­ton.
Cowork­er #2: Ex­act­ly, that’s why I use that mon­ey for porn.
Cowork­er #1: True, at least when you’re done with porn you have some­thing to show for it.

Rochester, New York

Over­heard by: Rick

Con­nect­ing Across the Room Is Close Enough

Work study em­ploy­ee: So then this guy looks at me, and starts talk­ing about tantra and leer­ing at me, right?
Cowork­er: What in the hell is tantra?
Work study em­ploy­ee: (ex­plains briefly)
Cowork­er: God, so it’s not even kinky, it’s just damn bor­ing. Who the hell wants to con­nect on a deep­er lev­el? Shit.

East­ern Wash­ing­ton Uni­ver­si­ty
Ch­eney, Wash­ing­ton

And Should I Be Sit­ting in Front Of a Com­put­er for This?

Tech sup­port rep: Okay, so go ahead and type in the url in the ad­dress bar.
Cus­tomer: Okay, uh, um, should I be on the in­ter­net?
Tech sup­port rep: Yes.
Cus­tomer: Okay. Um. Okay. So uh, should I google “in­ter­net”?

Boston, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: loves three way call­ing and the mute but­ton