Male employee #1: I'm gonna go take a shit.
Female employee: I did not need to hear that.
Male employee #1: Well, it's so you know why I'll be gone so long.
Male employee #2: Well, you could be doing something else…
Kent, Ohio
Archive for August, 2009
Last Time That Happened, You Returned the Box Unopened, Ma'am.
Customer: I would like to buy this box of condoms, but I want to know if I can return them if they don't work.
Cashier: What do you mean “if they don't work?”
Customer: You know! If I get pregnant!
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: OhMyGodBecky
All This Time I Thought Wearing Green Was a Style Choice
Female worker #1: As a smoker these days I really feel like a social leprechaun.
Female worker #2: You mean “leper”?
Female worker #1: What?
Canberra
Australia
But When I Think About My Salary, I Just Smile
Principal, on the way to a client meeting: Time to go get a pee-pee smack.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Hidden by the Copier
What?? That Bit Kills at the Station.
Police officer, taking initial report on phone: So your stereo was stolen from your vehicle in the hospital parking lot last night? (pause) Okay, sir, I'll get someone out to you to take the report. And sir, I'll be working the security at the hospital tonight and I promise that while I'm on duty no one will steal your stereo out of your car.(laughs) Because it's already been stolen.
Zachary, Louisiana
So The Da Vinci Code Changed My Life!
Woman to group of friends: I just can't get over how my son and daughter have the same initials.
Appleton, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Count Chocula
…And Does Hair.
Office drone #1 at copier: I want a sandwich.
Office drone #2 at copier: It only prints and copies.
Hawthorne, New York
It Was All, “Where My Crackers At?”
Office admin #1: The party really didn't begin until the cheese showed up.
Office admin #2: I agree.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: New Here
…Cute Thong, Though.
Male security guard: Well, everything has been taken care of and everyone has been notified of the problem.
Female security guard: So our asses are covered?
Male security guard: Yes, our asses are covered.
Female security guard: But what about everyone else's asses?
Male security guard: Not a work conversation anymore.
Atlanta, Georgia
…Thus Taking Silver in the Office Olympics.
Engineering manager: He just knocked a ChapStick out of my ear with a grape!
Central Florida
Overheard by: Arfnotz