Customer: I would like to buy this box of condoms, but I want to know if I can return them if they don’t work.
Cashier: What do you mean “if they don’t work?“
Customer: You know! If I get pregnant!
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: OhMyGodBecky
Female worker #1: As a smoker these days I really feel like a social leprechaun.
Female worker #2: You mean “leper”?
Female worker #1: What?
Canberra
Australia
Police officer, taking initial report on phone: So your stereo was stolen from your vehicle in the hospital parking lot last night? (pause) Okay, sir, I’ll get someone out to you to take the report. And sir, I’ll be working the security at the hospital tonight and I promise that while I’m on duty no one will steal your stereo out of your car.(laughs) Because it’s already been stolen.
Zachary, Louisiana
Woman to group of friends: I just can’t get over how my son and daughter have the same initials.
Appleton, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Count Chocula
Office drone #1 at copier: I want a sandwich.
Office drone #2 at copier: It only prints and copies.
Hawthorne, New York
Office admin #1: The party really didn’t begin until the cheese showed up.
Office admin #2: I agree.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: New Here
Male security guard: Well, everything has been taken care of and everyone has been notified of the problem.
Female security guard: So our asses are covered?
Male security guard: Yes, our asses are covered.
Female security guard: But what about everyone else’s asses?
Male security guard: Not a work conversation anymore.
Atlanta, Georgia
Engineering manager: He just knocked a ChapStick out of my ear with a grape!
Central Florida
Overheard by: Arfnotz
Young receptionist: So what are you wearing to the party?
Older male boss: Depends.
El Dorado Hills, California
HR manager to teammate: Come and smell my apples.
Burnaby
British Columbia
Canadia
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
