But I Take Pills for That

In­ter­view­er: So what else can you tell about your­self?
In­ter­vie­wee: I am a very hard work­er and lear­na­tive.

Men­lo Park, Cal­i­for­nia

To Be Fair, He Says This at the Fax Ma­chine, Too.

Creepy em­ploy­ee to in­tern at uri­nal: Caught you red hand­ed!

San Diego, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Ti­bor

This Is­n’t Dis­ney.

Pro­duc­er: For god’s sake, woman, don’t for­get your pants.

Cul­ver City, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: LaLa Land

Brides­maids’ Dress­es Get More Elab­o­rate Every Year

Girl #1, look­ing at wed­ding pic­tures: Is that the girl that got mar­ried? (points at girl in wed­ding dress and veil)
Girl #2: Did you se­ri­ous­ly just ask that?

Lit­tle Rock, Arkansas

You Have to Be Ex­tra Care­ful When You’re a Cy­clops

Old­er fe­male cowork­er: Yeah, you got to just put your face right un­der it.
Un­for­tu­nate-look­ing cowork­er, sigh­ing: With my luck, I’d get it in my eye!

Quin­cy, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: TGIF

WouldY­ou Be Sat­is­fied with a Muf­fin Bas­ket?

Tech rep to cus­tomer: I’m sor­ry, sir, we don’t have any lit­tle balls to send out.

Al­len­town, Penn­syl­va­nia

Since I Ded­i­cat­ed My Life to Change

As­sis­tant copy ed­i­tor, check­ing metro fares: A dol­lar thir­ty-five and fif­teen min­utes.
Se­nior copy ed­i­tor, pass­ing by: I’m go­ing to have that writ­ten on my tomb­stone!

Dupont Cir­cle
Wash­ing­ton, DC

Best I Can Do Is Put Salt on Your Glass­es

Cowork­er: Mary, what are you do­ing?
Mary: I want tequi­la!

New York City, New York

Call Me the Next Time You Can Wig­gle Your Hands Free– Love Ya!

Em­ploy­ee on phone: I don’t know if Sue* knows about the twin sis­ter. I know Lucy* does–the maid–because they were kid­napped to­geth­er. (pause) Oh. Okay, I’ll talk to you lat­er. Bye!

Sarato­ga Springs, New York

Over­heard by: In­trigued

Try a Used Dry­er Soft­en­er Sheet; I’ll Look the Oth­er Way

Of­fice clean­ing la­dy: Does any­one know how to clean mice balls?

Ar­ling­ton, Vir­ginia