Archive for 2008

… Any­more

Of­fice chick #1: Don’t squeeze it! All the goo will come out!
Of­fice chick #2, play­ing with stress ball: Why, what hap­pened?
Of­fice chick #1: I got a lit­tle too ex­cit­ed and squeezed it un­til it popped… That’s why I don’t hold ba­bies…

Ar­ling­ton, Vir­ginia

Read­er Poll: Would You Climb Un­der Your Desk for Your Fa­vorite Pen?

Client: She said she was look­ing for a pen.
At­tor­ney: And the pen was un­der her desk?
Client: Yes, and she’s a pack rat, and every­thing in the world is un­der her desk…
At­tor­ney: And she got stuck that way?
Client: Yes, and we had to call se­cu­ri­ty so they could drag her out by her an­kles…
At­tor­ney: I hope that was a re­al­ly nice pen.

Kern Coun­ty Su­pe­ri­or Court
Bak­ers­field, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Fraz­zled lawyer

Project Cat Peo­ple Hits an Eth­i­cal Snag

Lab work­er #1: Mur­der on­ly ap­plies to hu­mans. It’s a term spe­cif­ic to us.
Lab work­er #2: You can’t ‘mur­der’ a dream?
Lab work­er #1: You can’t mur­der ba­by cows.
Lab work­er #2: What about cats?
Lab work­er #1: No. Cats can’t be mur­dered… Un­less they?re half-cat, half-per­son.
Lab work­er #2: Then it’s half mur­der.
Lab work­er #1: Even if it’s pre­med­i­tat­ed, it’s knocked back to manslaugh­ter. That?s prob­a­bly why the cat peo­ple think we’re bi­ased against them, but re­al­ly it’s just that the le­gal sys­tem wasn?t set up with them in mind. [Si­lence.] I’ve thought about this a lot.

Durham, North Car­oli­na