Not Ar­by’s Fesh, But Close.

Ding­bell: I love shop­ping at Trad­er Joe’s! Their frozen food is so fresh!

Carl­stadt, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: Gary

Who Di­ag­nosed Me As an Old Fart

CEO, fart­ing as he walks by cubes: Ex­cuse me, I just came back from the urol­o­gist.
(cube dwellers look at each oth­er in con­fu­sion and start to gig­gle)

Spring­field, Vir­ginia

Over­heard by: Glad Im Healthy

When Re­al­ly, He Was Just Gellin’ Like a Felon, with Dr. Schol­l’s

CSR on phone: They found out my boyfriend is a felon and now they are throw­ing us out of the trail­er park.

Colo­nial Heights, Vir­ginia

Al­l­l­l­ll the Time, Ba­by

Flus­tered ad­min: Hey guys…does your hand ever get sweaty on the mouse?

Boston, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: Pod Bud­dy

Every Metaphor Is a Rain­bow Metaphor in San Fran­cis­co

Se­nior VP: For all you peo­ple who are wor­ry­ing about this prob­lem­at­ic new trav­el co­or­di­na­tion sys­tem, I just want to re­as­sure you that there is, tru­ly, light at the end of the rain­bow.

San Fran­cis­co, Cal­i­for­nia

Stop Beep­ing at Me, Sir!

Man on phone: Hel­lo? Yes, am I talk­ing to a re­al per­son?

Toron­to
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: unreal_person

Barf Bags Are Pro­vid­ed in the Event of Their Ug­li­ness

Pas­sen­ger to an­oth­er: Fed­er­al law re­quires that you must fol­low all in­struc­tions from uni­formed crew. If a naked flight at­ten­dant ap­proach­es you, you don’t have to lis­ten to them.

South­west Flight
Is­lip, New York

Has the Wii Al­ready Be­come “Old”?

Game de­vel­op­er on speak­er­phone: Bes­tial­i­ty is to­tal­ly the new Wii.

Colum­bus Cir­cle
New York City, New York

Over­heard by: The Pro­fes­sor

Which Re­minds Me–Send Out an Email No­ti­fy­ing Every­one That the Com­put­ers Are Down

Out­dat­ed sales­men: Why did­n’t you re­spond to my text?
Of­fice lack­ey: I nev­er re­ceived your text!
Out­dat­ed sales­men: From now on, when you don’t get my text you have to call me and let me know.
Of­fice lack­ey: (walks away mum­bling)

Burnsville, Min­neso­ta

Over­heard by: Er­ic Bouchey

No One Go in the Con­fer­ence Room ‘Til We Can Get a Cleanup Crew in There

Boss, ex­it­ing a staff meet­ing: The in­ter­net was the great­est in­ven­tion for the per­verts. They’re hav­ing a hay day!

Dal­las, Texas