Archive for 2008

Got­ta Love the Chain of Com­mand

Cus­tomer (on speak­er): But it’s too ex­pen­sive, it is­n’t fair! I can’t af­ford it. Can’t I just pay you half?
In­sur­ance rep: No, the pre­mi­um for your ve­hi­cle is $435.60. You have to pay the full amount.
Cus­tomer: Can you find a way so I can just pay $200? That’s all I can af­ford!
In­sur­ance rep: No. You can’t just pay any amount you want. You need to pay what you owe.
(this goes on for 10 min­utes)
In­sur­ance rep: Well, fine, if you can’t af­ford to pay the in­sur­ance for your car maybe you should sell it and take the damn bus.
Cus­tomer: What? What did you just say to me?
In­sur­ance rep: I’ll trans­fer you to my man­ag­er.

Min­neapo­lis, Min­neso­ta

You Know the Of­fice Is Full of Clos­et Het­eros

De­sign­er: Hey, nice shirt!
Prin­ci­pal #1: Yeah, this is my gay shirt.
Prin­ci­pal #2: Oh my god, you can’t say that! What are you do­ing?!
Prin­ci­pal #1: What? Mul­ti­ple peo­ple have told me I look gay in this shirt.
Prin­ci­pal #2: But you can’t say that kind of thing!
Prin­ci­pal #1: Oh, I have noth­ing against gay peo­ple; it’s just a fact.
Prin­ci­pal #2: Okay, just stop talk­ing.

Ar­chi­tec­ture Firm
Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia

At Least That Ex­plains the Sad­dle

Fe­male em­ploy­ee #1: Where does it say in my job de­scrip­tion that I’m the aquar­i­um main­te­nance per­son, the choco­late jock­ey, the ex­pert on sui­cide?
Fe­male em­ploy­ee #2: Yeah, but you asked for that one!
Fe­male em­ploy­ee #1: Which one? The choco­late jock­ey?
Fe­male em­ploy­ee #2: Yeah.
Fe­male em­ploy­ee #3: Yee-haw! I’m rid­ing my choco­late pony!

Win­ston-Salem, North Car­oli­na

I’m Still Pee­ing Out My Bel­ly But­ton

Cowork­er #1, hold­ing small let­ter open­er: Do you have one of these, on­ly small­er?
Cowork­er #2: What’s wrong with that one?
Cowork­er #1: It’s too thick. I can’t fit in in the small­er slits and it tears the whole thing apart most of the time.
Cowork­er #3: I had a boyfriend like that once.
Cowork­er #2: What the fuck?

San­ta Ana, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: erri­ca

If You’re Se­ri­ous About One-up­man­ship, You Need to Do Your Home­work

Cube dweller #1: My cousin was in the hos­pi­tal last week.
Cube dweller #2: Yeah? My broth­er was in the hos­pi­tal last week. He had an op­er­a­tion to remove…ummm, some­thing.
Cube dweller #1: What, his ton­sils?
Cube dweller #2: No, it start­ed with “p.“
Cube dweller #1: Oh, gawd, not his prostate?
Cube dweller #2: No… Oh, yeah. It was his pen­dix.

Tam­pa, Flori­da