Boss: So, this is the problem: the minute you see Stephanie, she just screams “fake boobs.”
New York City, New York
Archive for 2008
Right Up There with the “Do You Need to Refrigerate Ketchup?” Debacle Of 1997
Visiting client, waiting for elevator: You're right. Putting shampoo and conditioner in the same bottle *is* more economical.
(jittery laughter)
Manager: It just makes sense, you know? Why have two when you can have just one?
Coworker, after client and manager get in elevator: That was the worst example of small talk I have ever heard.
Chicago, Illinois
No One Respects Breasts More Than a Man Who's Never Touched One
(crunching water bottle noise)
Girl admin, in sassy tone: Hey! Those are the breast cancer water bottles–show some respect!
IT guy: Yeah–that's why I'm…
Girl admin: Squishing it?!
IT guy: You said it! Not me!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: That's what she said
Men Are So Cute
Department manager to two employees in their 9th month of pregnancies: I simply cannot allow you two to take maternity leave at the same time.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Lynn
The What Game?
Employee: So, how was your night?
Boss: I played catcher last night, so now my butt's killing me!
Employee: Um, you're talking about the softball game, right?
Denver, Colorado
Or I'm About to Get Really Testy
Executive officer: I need a teabag, a teabag…my kingdom for a teabag.
San Diego, California
So How Great Is It to Be Back, Huh?
Employee, returning after a month away: Hey, you've lost weight!
Manager: Thanks! I've been…
Employee: No, wait, you just got your hair cut. Nevermind.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indianapolis
Overheard by: Shatmandu
But My Friends Call Me S.O.B.
Old bald lawyer to younger lawyer: I'm waiting for John Smith*, this son of a bitch who…
Third lawyer, strolling up, extending hand: Hi! Pleased to meet you! I'm that son of a bitch!
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Where I Was Educated
Woman: Hi, where can I find books on specific countries?
Librarian: Well, which country are you looking for?
Woman: Kansas.
Newton Free Library
Newton, Massachusetts
I Was Thinking “Genius,” But Close Enough
Woman at office party: She's got that psychological syndrome where she uses sex to get what she wants from men… What do they call that again?
Man: A whore.
Dario's Restaurant
Rockville Centre, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry