Archive for 2008

You Do Know They Grow, Right?

Coworker to pregnant CRS: So, are you excited to have your baby?
Pregnant CRS: Yeah…I guess…kinda nervous.
Coworker: Why are you nervous?
Pregnant CRS: Because once I have a baby, I'll always have a baby. Like, forever.

Salt Lake City, Utah

The Photocopier Picked My Pocket

Session leader: Now at this point, if you've been convicted guilty of a felony crime, I'll have to ask you to leave.
(one woman starts to walk out of crowded auditorium, abruptly stops halfway)
Woman: Oh, wait! What is counterfeiting?
Session leader: Mam, were you guilty?
Woman: Yes. Oh, wait. No. The trial's still going on.

Mebane, North Carolina

I Place the Blame Squarely on Israel

Female peon: It's freezing in here!
Male peon: You're kidding, it's like 95 degrees!
Female peon: We're not all sweating alcohol like you.
Male peon: You're kidding! I'm a Muslim, I don't drink…well, I'm a Muslim on weekdays. Wait, I guess through Thursday evening… No, I guess only at work.

Chicago, Illinois

What's Your Position on Underwear, Then?

Manager to another: No Pants Tuesday. Think of how productive we would be without the confining feeling of slacks! You don't even have to wear dungarees, or as I like to call them, “dungs.”

Harrisburg, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Andréa Cecil