Archive for 2008

You Do Know They Grow, Right?

Cowork­er to preg­nant CRS: So, are you ex­cit­ed to have your ba­by?
Preg­nant CRS: Yeah…I guess…kinda ner­vous.
Cowork­er: Why are you ner­vous?
Preg­nant CRS: Be­cause once I have a ba­by, I’ll al­ways have a ba­by. Like, for­ev­er.

Salt Lake City, Utah

The Pho­to­copi­er Picked My Pock­et

Ses­sion leader: Now at this point, if you’ve been con­vict­ed guilty of a felony crime, I’ll have to ask you to leave.
(one woman starts to walk out of crowd­ed au­di­to­ri­um, abrupt­ly stops halfway)
Woman: Oh, wait! What is coun­ter­feit­ing?
Ses­sion leader: Mam, were you guilty?
Woman: Yes. Oh, wait. No. The tri­al’s still go­ing on.

Mebane, North Car­oli­na

I Place the Blame Square­ly on Is­rael

Fe­male pe­on: It’s freez­ing in here!
Male pe­on: You’re kid­ding, it’s like 95 de­grees!
Fe­male pe­on: We’re not all sweat­ing al­co­hol like you.
Male pe­on: You’re kid­ding! I’m a Mus­lim, I don’t drink…well, I’m a Mus­lim on week­days. Wait, I guess through Thurs­day evening… No, I guess on­ly at work.

Chica­go, Illi­nois

What’s Your Po­si­tion on Un­der­wear, Then?

Man­ag­er to an­oth­er: No Pants Tues­day. Think of how pro­duc­tive we would be with­out the con­fin­ing feel­ing of slacks! You don’t even have to wear dun­ga­rees, or as I like to call them, “dungs.”

Har­ris­burg, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: An­dréa Ce­cil