Archive for 2008

And the Best Part of a Mar­ried Man’s Day

Phil: I just got back from the re­stroom… Har­ry was in a stall talk­ing to some­body on the cell phone while shit­ting. Fart­ing and flush­ing and talk­ing. Then he did­n’t even wash his hands on the way out. Re­mind me to nev­er ever ever bor­row his phone.
Dan: I could­n’t talk to some­body and poop at the same time. My poop time is my pri­vate time.

Huntsville, Al­aba­ma

And Nev­er the Twain Shall Meet

Un­der­ling: I had some­thing I need to talk to you about, but I can’t re­mem­ber it now.
Boss (grin­ning): Well, I’m not in your head so…
Un­der­ling: I need you in­side my head.
Boss (gri­mac­ing): Uh…I don’t think I want…
Un­der­ling (in­ter­rupt­ing): No, the work side, not the porn side.

Route 9
Fram­ing­ham, Mass­a­chu­setts

I Told Her She Has to Be at Least 14 Be­fore She Does That

Ad­min as­sis­tant #1 (talk­ing about her daugh­ter’s day camp): When I pick her up, I’m go­ing to com­plain to the camp of­fice. The coun­selors have these kids eat­ing bugs as a fun, Fear Fac­tor type of ac­tiv­i­ty!
Ad­min as­sis­tant #2: Did your kid eat a bug?
Ad­min as­sis­tant #1: Yeah! Yes­ter­day, she said she ate a but­ter­fly!
Ad­min as­sis­tant #2: A but­ter­fly? That’s like eat­ing a ba­by!

Fair­field, Ohio

Don’t Think for a Minute That Go­ing Gay Will Help

Sales man­ag­er to mar­ket­ing man­ag­er: Is­n’t it sad when you’ve spent so much time talk­ing on the phone to cus­tomers dur­ing the day that you don’t want to talk to your wife when you get home?
Mar­ket­ing man­ag­er: No.
Sales man­ag­er to re­cent­ly en­gaged co-work­er: See, this is what you have to look for­ward to. Dur­ing the first year you’ll ar­gue like crazy, then af­ter that… You won’t care any­more.

Ten­nessee

Over­heard by: M&M