Archive for 2008

The Walls Seem to Ap­pre­ci­ate That Arrange­ment

Of­fice la­dy: How can you drink that much Red Bull?
Com­put­er nerd: I don’t know, you build up a tol­er­ance.
Of­fice la­dy: If I drank that much I’d be whack­ing off the walls.
Com­put­er nerd: Umm, you’d do what?

117th St
Broom­field, Col­orado

Over­heard by: The oth­er nerd

Af­ter You Fin­ish Cry­ing

Se­cu­ri­ty guy: I could be an of­fi­cer, you know.
Sarge: Oh, shut the fuck up.
Se­cu­ri­ty guy: No, re­al­ly. It’s just pol­i­tics stop­ping me! Just pol­i­tics!
Sarge: Oh, is Rudy fuck­ing Giu­liani pre­vent­ing you from be­com­ing a po­lice of­fi­cer? Why don’t you fuck­ing ex­plain that to all of us?

Pub­lic Safe­ty
Newark, Delaware

Over­heard by: Shaye

Could You Get Off My Lap?

Old­er fe­male ac­coun­tant: You’re look­ing more like Burt Reynolds each day.
Younger male ac­coun­tant: He’s old, what are you say­ing?
Old­er fe­male ac­coun­tant: No, like… In a good way… When he was sexy and young.
Younger male ac­coun­tant: (si­lence)
Old­er fe­male ac­coun­tant: I should get back to work.

In­de­pen­dence, Ohio

You Should Hear Him Whine When an Em­ploy­ee Dies

Male pay­roll proces­sor: If you want me to process your pay­roll, you have to put the time you came in and left.
Fe­male cowork­er: I was out sick. Did you see that I used sick time?
Male pay­roll proces­sor: Yeah! What’s your point?
Fe­male cowork­er: I was out sick! I did­n’t come in or leave!
Male pay­roll proces­sor: What­ev­er! More work for me!

Tuc­son, Ari­zona