Archive for 2008

We Bare­ly Do That Now

Cu­bi­cle #1: Since I have to trav­el through Vir­ginia next week, I’m go­ing to take Amy*‘s sug­ges­tion and get a mega mil­lions tick­et. The power­ball is­n’t work­ing out so well for me.
Cu­bi­cle #2: My hus­band laughs at me be­cause I want to keep work­ing if I win the lot­tery.
Cu­bi­cle #3: What!?
Cu­bi­cle #2: Yeah, I want to keep work­ing.
Cu­bi­cle #3: Well…
Cu­bi­cle #1 & #3, in uni­son: I would­n’t work here.

Eng­land Street
Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

Psych! Did You Just Mess Your­self?

Ac­coun­tant: A Char­lie Brown Christ­mas was on the oth­er day and me and my sis­ter were watch­ing it when Pep­per­mint Pat­ty opened her mouth and a man’s voice popped out. I turned to my sis­ter and said: “Oh my god! Pep­per­mint Pat­ty’s a big ol’ dyke! Turn that damn thing off!“
Sec­re­tary: I was raised by a les­bian cou­ple.
Ac­coun­tant: Oh… Oh, I’m sor­ry.

Sixth Av­enue
Nashville, Ten­nessee

That’s a So­bri­ety Test in and of It­self

Lab tech: He needs to re­take the drug screen­ing.
Nurse: Why? He said he was ready to give a urine sam­ple.
Lab tech: Well… How do I put this del­i­cate­ly? He did give us *a* sam­ple… Just not the kind we need­ed.
Nurse: Wait, you mean… he… Oh my god! How the hell did he poop in that cup? I am im­pressed!
Lab tech: Yea, I kin­da am to.

Hos­pi­tal
Colum­bus, Ohio

Over­heard by: Workin’ here for the in­sur­ance

Some­one’s Been Sniff­ing the Ton­er Again

Re­cep­tion­ist, on his last day: How can I give the rest of the staff ac­cess to these files?
Tech guy: Put them on the net­work.
Re­cep­tion­ist: Where’s the net­work?
Tech guy: Ex­act­ly! It’s every­where, man!

Uni­ver­si­ty of Min­neso­ta, Min­neapo­lis

Over­heard by: I’m New Here