Archive for 2008

I Look For­ward to Your Ser­mon This Sun­day

UPS guy: Wow. Don’t you look fan­cy to­day!
Man in of­fice: Nah, these are ac­tu­al­ly my strip­ping clothes.
UPS guy: Oh, re­al­ly? The ladies must love that.
Man in of­fice: Yeah, they have a Vel­cro crotch. It’s pret­ty awe­some.
UPS guy: Whelp, see you lat­er.

1160 Pi­o­neer Road
Salt Lake City, Utah

… Are Fired

Di­rec­tor, dur­ing brain­storm­ing ses­sion: You and your colon!

3912 North 29th Av­enue
Hol­ly­wood, Flori­da

Over­heard by: George

I Haven’t Re­ceived Any Com­plaint Mes­sages

Cowork­er #1, to ed­i­tor: Do you know where the call-in phone num­ber on the back of XYZ Pub­li­ca­tion* goes to?
Cowork­er #2: I have no idea.
Cowork­er #1: Well, [boss] called the oth­er day and asked where it went to. I called it just now, and it an­swers with the voice of Dana*, but she has­n’t worked here in sev­en months!
Cowork­er #2, look­ing at Dana’s emp­ty desk area: I guess that it just goes to her phone, and who­ev­er gets that ex­ten­sion will get all of the mes­sages.
Cowork­er #1: So it does­n’t mat­ter to you that read­ers might be call­ing in and leav­ing mes­sages that are not be­ing re­turned?
Cowork­er #2: No.

45 Leveroni Court
No­va­to, Cal­i­for­nia

… In a Card­board Box La­beled “Sports Equip­ment”

40-ish cube dweller #1: Hey, do you have a Star Trek cos­tume I can bor­row?
40-ish cube dweller #2: Why are you ask­ing me? Why did­n’t you ask Kevin*? What makes you think that I have one?
40-ish cube dweller #1: Well, do you?
40-ish cube dweller #2: Yes. [Very long pause.] But on­ly the shirt. It’s a blue one like Spock wore. I al­so have the tri­corder and the gold sash from the ‘Mir­ror, Mir­ror’ episode. I’ll bring it in to­mor­row.

Lex­ing­ton Street
Bal­ti­more, Mary­land

… Speak­ing of Crap.

20-ish woman pe­on #1: So, I start­ed my cleanse this week–
20-ish woman pe­on #2: –Wait, are we talk­ing about poop again? Why are we al­ways talk­ing about poop? Aren’t we a lit­tle young for this? [Oth­ers stare blankly.] Well, I am strange­ly com­fort­able with it. [Oth­ers keep star­ing, so #2 leaves, grip­ing] I hate Oprah.

44th Street
Phoenix, Ari­zona