Receptionist on cell: We're going to have to make a special trip to New York, girl, because I need some new door knockers in my life, and you know I'm not going to find them around here.
Portland, Oregon
Archive for October, 2008
Like My Mother's Control Over Me
Sally*, stretching her leg after working out: It's tight and painful, yet it feels so good at the same time.
Tel Aviv
Israel
Serves You Right for Ordering a “Whisper” of Anything
Employee returning from Starbucks: Your whisper of cinnamon may have turned into a dull roar.
Boston, Massachusetts
Next Time I'll Only Go to a Licensed Masseuse
Mailroom guy #1: Man, I like, dislocated two discs in my back.
Mailroom guy #2: Man, I like, dislocated two balls in my pants.
(person nearby laughs)
Mailroom guy #2: Don't laugh! It's true!
Sudbury
Ontario
Canadia
…How Are You at Sharpening Pencils?
Admin assistant: Can you get us these things from Starbucks? (hands list to intern)
Intern: Yeah. (pauses, looks at list) This one says “no milk”…do you think that means fat free”?
Admin assistant: Uh…
W 45th
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Actually, it said 2 percent.
Tiger Woods: You Ruined Golf for Me!
Lesbian #1: You should get a Subaru. Come on…join the club.
Lesbian #2: I don't really want a Subaru.
Angry straight coworker: Don't get a Subaru. Dude, you people take everything! First you take the rainbow. Now Subarus! What the fuck?
Richmond, California
Overheard by: B $
As Immortalized in Who Unframed Eddie Rabbit?
Intern to resident artist: Is it “Helga's Pub” or “Helga's Lounge”?
Resident artist: It's “Helga's Pub.” It stopped being a lounge when they took down the picture of Eddie Rabbit.
Broad Street
Augusta, Georgia
The Two Types of Employees: Encapsulated
Dumb employee: See, the thing about putting oil and vinegar into a squeeze bottle is that you have to make a decision… You either get oil, or you get vinegar.
Smart employee: Shake it?
Dumb employee: Well…you made a fool out of me.
Port Washington, New York
Overheard by: Chenga
And Everyone's Been Raving About Your Hard Candy
Coworker #1: You were looking for me earlier?
Coworker #2: Oh, yeah, I came down to see you earlier. I needed something to suck on.
Center City
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
And Doesn't Make Me Leave Immediately After He's Done
Technically challenged lady #1: I like that IT guy. He doesn't just come in, stick it in and split. He actually takes the time to explain what he's doing.
Technically challenged lady #2: Yeah, I like him because tells me what goes in which hole.
San Antonio, Texas