Archive for June, 2008

At Least You Skipped the “An­a­lyst” Part of My Ti­tle

Ad­min: Here’s your new door tag.
Ad­vi­sor: “Stud serv prog co­ord”? That’s my new ti­tle?
Ad­min: Well, it’s ab­bre­vi­at­ed.
Ad­vi­sor: Can we make the text small­er so it’s not ab­bre­vi­at­ed?
Ad­min: Why? You don’t want to be a stud ser­vice?
Ad­vi­sor: I’m afraid they would­n’t get their mon­ey’s worth.

Lake Road
Merced, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: sooo true.

Too Many Straight Lines… Los­ing… Con­scious­ness…

Old drone #1: You re­al­ly got­ta just close your eyes and gulp it down, I find it spicy, al­though my daugh­ter says it’s bit­ter.
Old drone #2: Yeah, I like it though, just don’t get any on your dress, it’s a bear to get out of clothes.

Cin­del Dri­ve
Del­ran, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: Bruce Ban­ner

We Hope You’ll Come in and Be Judged by Us Again Soon

(Woman puts gro­ceries on check­stand, in­clud­ing home preg­nan­cy test.)
Male clerk: Man, I have been sell­ing a lot of these late­ly!
(Woman laughs ner­vous­ly.)
Male clerk to fe­male clerk, wav­ing test in the air: Haven’t you been sell­ing a lot of these?
Fe­male clerk: Yeah, I have! It must be spring, you know how peo­ple get!
(Woman is now hor­ri­fied.)
Male clerk, hand­ing woman her gro­ceries: Well, good luck ei­ther way!

Safe­way
Phoenix, Ari­zona

Over­heard by: Re­al­ly? Re­al­ly?

No Com­plaint Was Ever Lodged by the Ja­maican Nuns Who Re­ceived the Wrong Ship­ment, Though

Man­ag­er, in a pan­ic: We sent a box of sex toys to the wrong cus­tomer!
Em­ploy­ee #1: Where did it go?
Man­ag­er: Ja­maica.
Em­ploy­ee #1: Was­n’t it sup­posed to go to Bar­ba­dos?
Man­ag­er: Yeah…
Em­ploy­ee #2: Not my fault! You can’t blame me!

Mi­a­mi, Flori­da