Archive for January, 2008

That’s the Ulcer Perforating

Coworker on phone with QC guy: Um… You just hit the printer icon… What? Well, just type it on a Word document. Uh, you type, then hit that aforementioned printer icon… Okay, hold up. Let’s just start from square one, shall we? First, is your computer on this time? Okay, hit your start button, down there at the bottom of your screen. Uh, and don’t really hit it — just click, okay? Now click ‘All programs’… M-hmmm… Now click ‘Microsoft Office, and then ‘Microsoft Word.’ You get a pop-up on your computer about macros. Click the ‘X.’ [Sighs.] Well, give it a minute — you’ll have a pop-up. Very good. Yes, hit the ‘X.’ [After pause] Now you type — you know — typey-type-type-type? Then print. Right. No, if you don’t save it, then it won’t stay on your computer… What exactly are you typing and printing in there? … You know what? Never mind. It’s better if I just don’t know. [Hangs up, then speaks to self.] And I can’t ship anything without him checking the parts first… I have a good feeling in my belly now.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

I Stand by My Earlier Assessment

Employee #1: Who’s that new blonde girl that works here?
Employee #2: Which new blonde girl? That doesn’t narrow it down.
Employee #1: You know, the… the slow one. She sounds kind of retarded when she talks.
Employee #2: Kelly*? She’s not retarded, you jerk — she’s from Sweden. English isn’t her first language.

Boston Post Road
Sudbury, Massachusetts

Overheard by: slurific

She Drinks to Forget

Female student #1: I dunno — maybe I should give up drinking.
Female student #2: That’s never a good idea.
Female student #1: It’s just that I’m older, y’know? The drinking scene is so played…
Male student, joining them minutes later: So, what are you guys doing this weekend?
Female student #1: Getting fucking hammered.
Female student #2: What happened to giving up drinking?
Female student #1: Oh, please, that was so two minutes ago.

University Avenue
Toronto, Ontario

Overheard by: the iPod was just a front

That’s “Mr. Bag” to You

Employee #1, 45 minutes after asked to perform simple task: Here are those documents you wanted. All the copies are underneath the one that’s on top of it.
Employee #2: Listen, shitbag — I was actually hoping to go to lunch today, so spare me the retard explanations, please! [To another employee] Do we have an ODP employee section we could put her in?
Employee #3: Nah. We’re still just using that dumpster out front.

132 Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts