Archive for 2007

As Long As It Does­n’t Cut in­to Our Coke-Snort­ing Time

Suit #1: So, where are we go­ing?
Suit #2: Does it mat­ter? We’re go­ing there.
Suit #1: I don’t care about the food, I just want to know I can get a drink.
Suit #2: It’s a lunch place, but yeah, it has a bar.
Suit #1: Good.
Suit #2: Is that all you’re go­ing to do for the next two weeks? Drink dur­ing lunch?
Suit #1: Mmm-hm­mm.
Suit #2: Oh… I guess that’s okay.

485 Lex­ing­ton Av­enue
New York, New York

I Had a Very Pro­gres­sive High School Bi­ol­o­gy Teacher

Cube mon­key #1: It’s not like there are a lot of straight peo­ple at this of­fice to sleep with.
Cube mon­key #2: You could sleep with the IT guy — Harold*.
Cube mon­key #1: Ew, he’s a whore. I don’t want to get crotch rot.
Cube mon­key #2: What on earth is crotch rot? I’ve nev­er heard of that.
Cube mon­key #3: Not on­ly have I heard of it, I have smelled it!

731 Pi­lot Road
Las Ve­gas, Neva­da

Over­heard by: An­na

And I Don’t Want to Be Dis­tract­ed by the Hyp­not­ic Move­ment of Your Fat

Fat male boss: So, how are you feel­ing these days?
Slim, sev­en-months-preg­nant ad­min as­sis­tant: Pret­ty good, but my back is start­ing to hurt a lit­tle from the 17 pounds I’ve gained.
Fat male boss: You know, you’re go­ing to want to watch that. That weight is­n’t easy to take off once you’ve put it on.

Zee­land, Michi­gan

Over­heard by: So glad I no longer work for him