Archive for 2007

Dr. Seuss Successfully Split the Difference

Yuppie girl: I found a turtle over the weekend. I put it in my backyard.
Flakey girl: What did you call it?
Yuppie girl: Myrtle.
Flakey girl: Is it fertile?
Yuppie girl: Is it what?
Flakey girl: Is it fer-tile? I was rhyming…
Yuppie girl: No, it’s a turtle.
Flakey girl: Myrtle, the fertile turtle.
Yuppie girl: You’re like Phoebe of Friends.
Flakey girl: You’re like Ross.

St. Kilda Road
Melbourne
Australia

But Now, of Course, There’s a Manual

CEO on sales pitch: When businesses first started creating web pages on the internet, it was kind of like having sex with your daughter — everyone was talking about it, but nobody really knew what they were doing.
Prospective client: Well… My daughter is eight, so I don’t think she’s having sex with anybody.

8737 Colesville Road
Silver Spring, Maryland

Dream On!

Suit #1 with backpack: I’ll just be a minute — I gotta go to the men’s room to take a squirt.
Suit #2: Want me to hold your bag while you go?
Suit #1: I hope nobody heard that.

32nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

The Customer Is Always Right

Old guy: Small fish and chips.
Italian vendor: The fish aren’t ready — 10 minutes.
Old guy: What? I’m very deaf.
Italian vendor: The fish aren’t ready — 10 minutes!
Old guy: What? I can’t hear you.
Italian vendor: No fish! Have a look here [points to other menu items].
Old guy: I can’t see so well. Just get me a fish and chips.
Italian vendor: No fish!
Old guy: Why are you talking to me?! I can’t hear well! Just get me a fish.
Italian vendor: No fish!
Old guy: Are you stupid? I’m deaf and nearly blind, just get me a fish and chips! God, you’d think you didn’t have any fish!

Edinburgh, Scotland
United Kingdom