Archive for 2007

And You’re Pos­i­tive­ly Glow­ing with Health!

Em­ploy­ee: I re­al­ly like the new floor tiles you picked for the of­fice!
Boss: Good thing, too. These old tiles were put in in the 1950s, and I just found out they were made with cobalt.
Em­ploy­ee: Ah.
Boss: Yeah, they’re ac­tu­al­ly ra­dioac­tive.
Em­ploy­ee: Huh?
Boss: A Geiger counter would to­tal­ly pick up on the ra­di­a­tion in here!
Em­ploy­ee: Um­mm…
Boss: But it’s not re­al­ly a prob­lem — it would take decades of ex­po­sure to ef­fect you, re­al­ly.
Em­ploy­ee: I’ve been here 18 years.

Mu­sic agency

9999: “Oth­er”

Grunt #1 on phone: They said that I was down there for one of two rea­sons — to buy drugs or find a pros­ti­tute.
Grunt #2, af­ter #1 hangs up: I don’t want to know. As long as it was bill­able…
Grunt #1: What’s the task code for hir­ing a pros­ti­tute?

180 North Wack­er Dri­ve
Chica­go, Illi­nois

Over­heard by: in tears

And Is That a Gi­raffe?

Fe­male of­fice work­er: I think I like this purse more than my Coach purse. It fits more stuff. I could fit a bur­ri­to in here! Ac­tu­al­ly, I do have a bur­ri­to in here.

350 Los Ran­chi­tos Road
San Rafael, Cal­i­for­nia

Mitt Rom­ney?

Of­fice pe­on: Well, guess who one of them was? Guess who one of the les­bian gyp­sies was?!

202 West 1st Street
Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia