Archive for 2007

The Red Men­ace Nev­er Sleeps

20-ish fe­male as­so­ciate: Yeah, and you should see her hair! She dyed it red.
20-ish male as­so­ciate: Re­al­ly? How red? Like, Net­flix-red?
20-ish fe­male as­so­ciate: No! Worse than that. Like Tan­doori chick­en-red!
Mid­dle-aged male as­so­ciate: Wait, wait, wait — what on Earth are you two talk­ing about? What ever hap­pened to fire en­gine-red and can­dy ap­ple-red? [Met with silent, blank stares, then waves his hand in dis­dain] Bah! You kids nowa­days are all freaks!

Ann Ar­bor, Michi­gan

Sim­i­lar to Me

Of­fice weirdo: Most peo­ple don’t re­al­ize that mer­maids ac­tu­al­ly have sharp teeth — sim­i­lar to a shark. They al­so eat fish… So they have re­al­ly bad breath.

Wash­ing­ton, DC

Of Course, the Func­tion­al In­vis­i­bil­i­ty Is Good for Rob­bing Banks

Woman #1: I hate these bloody name tags!
Woman #2: I know! The straps are so long! Every­one keeps peer­ing down at your bel­ly be­fore look­ing up at your face!
Woman #1: I pre­fer the name tags you can clip on your lapel…
Woman #2: Yes, at my age I’d ac­tu­al­ly rather men stared at my tits and not at my stom­ach.
Old woman ex­it­ing stall: Hon­ey, at my age you’re chuffed if they look any­where at all!

Con­fer­ence, St. An­drews Place