Archive for 2007

The Alien Ab­duc­tions Have Had a Per­ma­nent Ef­fect on Chuck

Sales guy on phone: An inch and a half be­tween the legs? … Yeah, that sounds pret­ty big for that size rod. … Are you stand­ing it up like a horse­shoe and mea­sur­ing it? … Okay, let me get you some prices and call back.

8220 Eng­land Street
Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: It’s a fas­ten­er thing.. you would­n’t un­der­stand

Or Was It Am­bly­opia?

Golfer to cowork­er: I’m lucky I’m am­bidex­trous — great for my game.
Woman: You want to be care­ful — I know some­one who died of that.

Fi­nance Cen­tre

The Bha­gavad Gi­ta Is Pret­ty Clear on This

Am­a­teur the­olo­gian: … And some­thing else I was think­ing — it’s like, peo­ple al­ways say, ‘Well, the cow­boys are God’s team.’ No, they’re not! It does­n’t mat­ter who wins. God knew who was gonna win 1000 years ago!

333 North Merid­i­an Street
In­di­anapo­lis, In­di­ana

Over­heard by: fransen comes alive

Signs Your Cab­in Pres­sure May Be a Bit Un­bal­anced

Flight at­ten­dant: … We don’t ex­pect a change in cab­in pres­sure, but if it does oc­cur, a de­sign­er oxy­gen mask will be re­leased in front of you. Se­cure the mask on your­self first, then, if you are trav­el­ing with chil­dren, put a mask on the child with the most po­ten­tial, then put a mask on the oth­er one…
Moth­er pas­sen­ger: [Gasps, horrified.]Flight at­ten­dant: … This is a non-smok­ing flight, but if you do de­cide to smoke, we will have you re­seat­ed on the wing of the plane where you can watch our fea­ture pre­sen­ta­tion of Bye Bye Birdie or Gone with the Wind

South­west Air­lines flight from Kansas City, Mis­souri, to Tam­pa, Flori­da

Over­heard by: Jes­si­ca

Nev­er Again

Ger­man teacher: Well, we’re go­ing to have to re­lo­cate to an­oth­er class­room for a while. It seems there’s a rat prob­lem in this one.
Stu­dent: Are you go­ing to gas them?

Gle­nun­ga In­ter­na­tion­al High School
Ade­laide, South Aus­tralia

How You Can Tell Who Went to Catholic School

Cowork­er #1: The film was so vi­o­lent… I don’t re­al­ly like re­al­is­tic-look­ing vi­o­lence.
Cowork­er #2: Yeah, nei­ther do I. Al­though, I did get some per­verse en­joy­ment from watch­ing The Pas­sion of the Christ.
Cowork­er #1: But in this one it’s all the nice peo­ple get­ting hurt.

500 Har­ris Street
Ul­ti­mo, Syd­ney

Over­heard by: Dan

… In­stead of Go­ing around Them

Em­ploy­ee #1: Yeah, she did­n’t have the in­fo I need yet, so I’ll have to cir­cum­vent with her lat­er.
Em­ploy­ee #2: Cir­cum­vent? Do you mean cir­cle back?
Em­ploy­ee #1: Cir­cle back? That does­n’t make any fuck­ing sense. Why do I al­ways take the blunt of your jokes?

1025 El­do­ra­do Boule­vard
Broom­field, Col­orado