Archive for 2007

Or Was It Amblyopia?

Golfer to coworker: I’m lucky I’m ambidextrous — great for my game.
Woman: You want to be careful — I know someone who died of that.

Finance Centre
Dublin
Ireland

0 People Found This Advice Helpful

Boss: Is that Amazon?
Office manager, answering phone: No, it was recording.
Boss, interrupting again: Was it Amazon?
Office manger: No, it was a recording.
Boss: You sure?
Office manger: Yes. It was silent and beeped and started the recording.
Boss: I thought it was Amazon. [Phone rings again] Is that Amazon?
Office manger: Yes, I’m on hold.
Boss: Maybe you should talk to them.

Center City
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

The Bhagavad Gita Is Pretty Clear on This

Amateur theologian: … And something else I was thinking — it’s like, people always say, ‘Well, the cowboys are God’s team.’ No, they’re not! It doesn’t matter who wins. God knew who was gonna win 1000 years ago!

333 North Meridian Street
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: fransen comes alive

Signs Your Cabin Pressure May Be a Bit Unbalanced

Flight attendant: … We don’t expect a change in cabin pressure, but if it does occur, a designer oxygen mask will be released in front of you. Secure the mask on yourself first, then, if you are traveling with children, put a mask on the child with the most potential, then put a mask on the other one…
Mother passenger: [Gasps, horrified.]Flight attendant: … This is a non-smoking flight, but if you do decide to smoke, we will have you reseated on the wing of the plane where you can watch our feature presentation of Bye Bye Birdie or Gone with the Wind

Southwest Airlines flight from Kansas City, Missouri, to Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Jessica

How You Can Tell Who Went to Catholic School

Coworker #1: The film was so violent… I don’t really like realistic-looking violence.
Coworker #2: Yeah, neither do I. Although, I did get some perverse enjoyment from watching The Passion of the Christ.
Coworker #1: But in this one it’s all the nice people getting hurt.

500 Harris Street
Ultimo, Sydney
Australia

Overheard by: Dan

… Instead of Going around Them

Employee #1: Yeah, she didn’t have the info I need yet, so I’ll have to circumvent with her later.
Employee #2: Circumvent? Do you mean circle back?
Employee #1: Circle back? That doesn’t make any fucking sense. Why do I always take the blunt of your jokes?

1025 Eldorado Boulevard
Broomfield, Colorado