Archive for 2007

That Thing Filled Up Years Ago!

Eu­ro­pean boss: Okay, James* — make reser­va­tions for us at the Mayflower.
Amer­i­can lab mem­ber #1: What? The Mayflower?
Eu­ro­pean boss: Yes, is­n’t that what we de­cid­ed?
Amer­i­can lab mem­ber #1: You mean the Wild­flower?
Eu­ro­pean boss: Yeah, the Mayflower.
Amer­i­can lab mem­ber #2: The Wild­flower, not the Mayflower.
Eu­ro­pean boss: Right, right. Wait… What is the Mayflower? Oh, yeah, that boat.

Clin­i­cal Sci­ences re­search build­ing
St. Louis, Mis­souri

The Less I Know about Christ­mas, the Bet­ter

Blonde desk as­sis­tant: When is Christ­mas this year?
Ed­i­tor: Tues­day, I think.
Blonde desk as­sis­tant: No, I mean what day? Like, the 25th?
Ed­i­tor: Um… Yeah. The 25th.
Blonde desk as­sis­tant: But I thought that was Christ­mas Eve! When is Christ­mas Eve, then? [Ed­i­tor stares.] Give me a break — I’m a Jew.

TV sta­tion broad­cast cen­ter
New York, New York

Over­heard by: News Bun­ny

The Odds Are Against It

Cus­tomer: Do you guys have any rooms avail­able?
Front desk: No, sir. Un­for­tu­nate­ly, we are com­plete­ly sold out. If you like, I can give you the num­ber of a few ho­tels in the area that have avail­abil­i­ty.
Cus­tomer, leav­ing and giv­ing the fin­ger: Does it look like I have a god­damn phone on me?
Front desk: I’d be more than hap­py to call them for you, sir.
Cus­tomer: Fuck you.
Front desk: Okay, sir. Have a won­der­ful night.

Elmi­ra, New York

Un­less It’s Bait, Suck­er!

Stu­dent to an­oth­er, af­ter grab­bing cook­ie from un­at­tend­ed ta­ble: What?! They left them out! That’s like leav­ing food out and not ex­pect­ing the rats to come!

Uni­ver­si­ty
Prince George, British Co­lum­bia
Cana­dia

I Bet I Can Lo­cate the Dimmest One in the Store

Cus­tomer: Could you tell me where the Amaryl­lis bulbs are?
Clerk #1: Hey, do you know where we keep the bulbs?
Clerk #2: I think they’re on Aisle Four — y’­know, with the oth­er elec­tri­cal stuff.
Clerk #1, to cus­tomer: Did you check there? That’s where we keep the bulbs.
Cus­tomer: No, no, no — they’re flow­ers! Do you have any?
Clerk #1: Well, I’m pret­ty sure we’ve got bulbs. Did you need a three-way one, or a reg­u­lar one? You should check on Aisle Four, then.

1690 Grande Av­enue
Ar­royo Grande, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Blue

They’re Not the Bright­est Neon Lights in the Casi­no

Cock­tail wait­ress #1: What’s a late-term abor­tion?
Cock­tail wait­ress #2: I’m not sure, but I think it’s when you have an abor­tion when the baby’s be­ing born.
Cock­tail wait­ress #1: Ew! They can do that?! [A few min­utes lat­er] Where is Wash­ing­ton state?
Cock­tail wait­ress #2: I think it’s near Seat­tle…
Cock­tail wait­ress #1: You think they meant to say ‘Wash­ing­ton, DC’?
Cock­tail wait­ress #2: I don’t know, but that’s pret­ty dumb of them if they did mean DC. Peo­ple can get con­fused, you know?

Ho­tel and casi­no
Las Ve­gas, Neva­da

Over­heard by: Han­nA