Archive for 2007

8 Heads in a Duf­fel Baguette

Pe­on #1, talk­ing about pro­posed ad: Show the guys dri­ving home too quick­ly and then get­ting de­cap­i­tat­ed be­cause they’re dri­ving their car too fast. That’s en­ter­tain­ment.
Pe­on #2: That’s not good. I’m think­ing that’s not sell­ing sand­wich­es.


Over­heard by: one smelly id­iot

Now, Does Je­sus Say That Every Time We Have Com­mu­nion?

Crazy ER pa­tient: I be­lieve in the Lord! I be­lieve in the Lord! I be­lieve in the Lord!
Mo­not­o­ne nurse #1, tak­ing vi­tals: Blood pres­sure, 150 over 80… Pulse, 110.
Nurse #2: Yes, yes, but does he be­lieve in the Lord?
Mo­not­o­ne nurse #1: Ha­ha. Hold him. [Jabs crazy pa­tient with a needle.]Crazy ER pa­tient: I be­lieve in– Aaau­u­ugh! You bitch!
Nurse #2: What about the Lord?
Crazy ER pa­tient: Au­u­ugh! Stop tak­ing my blood, you bitch!


Over­heard by: TK

As Long As He Stays Dead and All

Guy: I al­ways say, “To each his own.“
Girl: But what about Hitler? Would you say that about Hitler?
Guy: Well, if Hitler’s hap­py do­ing what he’s do­ing…

2375 Main Mall, Uni­ver­si­ty of British Co­lum­bia
Van­cou­ver, British Co­lum­bia

She’s Been Prac­tic­ing in Front of the Mir­ror

Sales guy: What are you two up to?
Sys­tems ad­min: Noth­ing. We’re be­ing face­tious.
Sales chick: Wow, that’s a big word for Erin*. I’m not sure she used it cor­rect­ly, though.
Sales guy: We’ll give her an A for ef­fort, though.
Sys­tems ad­min, skip­ping: I said ‘face­tious,’ I said ‘face­tious’!

8220 Eng­land Street
Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

Drool on My Sal­ad and Die

Trendy ve­g­an work­er: What’s that smell? Is some­one cook­ing ba­con?
Cowork­er: There’s some in my sal­ad.
Trendy ve­g­an work­er: That’s so odd. I nev­er even liked ba­con, but it smells so good! It’s mak­ing me horny!

Min­neapo­lis, Min­neso­ta