Archive for 2007

If You Wanted to Know If I Found You Attractive, Bob, All You Had to Do Was Ask.

Receptionist: Thank you for calling ABC Company*. How may I assist you?
Caller: Is Bob*, Tom*, or Larry* available?
Receptionist: Yes, sir, all three are available. Do you have a preference?
Caller: Sexual?
Receptionist: [Long, awkward silence.] No, sir, I meant do you have a preference for who you’d like to speak to?
Caller: Um… Just pick whoever’s cutest and makes more money.
Receptionist: Ummm… Okay… It’s a pleasure to connect you…

16th Street and L Street NW
Washington, DC

Overheard by: I can’t believe I work here…

Wait, You Say It’s What Would Jesus Do?

Soccer mom #1: The other night I saw a homeless man on the ground. It looked like he had fallen out of his wheelchair.
Soccer mom #2: Oh, no! Did you help him get back in it?
Soccer mom #3: No, you really shouldn’t, because he could hurt you.
Soccer mom #2: … Or bite you.

Scranton, Pennsylvania

By the Way, Is Our Refrigerator Running?

Customer on phone: How much is two hundred dollars worth of oil?
Worker bee: 75 gallons.
Customer: No, I said how much is two hundred dollars worth of oil?
Worker bee: Ma’am, two hundred dollars will buy you 75 gallons.
Customer, exasperated: No, no, no! How much. Is two hundred dollars. Worth of oil?
Worker bee, confused now: Um… Two hundred dollars?
Customer: That’s what I was askin’ you! Jesus! [Hangs up.]Worker bee: Did she just call up to ask me whether two hundred dollars is worth two hundred dollars?

Newark, New Jersey

Overheard by: Gypsy

Now Where’s That Airplane Glue?

Girl: Oooh, I feel dizzy.
Coworker: Why?
Girl: This marker, I think.
Coworker: What about it?
Girl: Well, it says ‘scented,’ but when I smelled it it gave me a headache.
Coworker: That says fluorescent, as in it’s a highlighter.
Girl: It says scented.
Coworker: Fluorescent means ‘brightly colored,’ it doesn’t mean ‘smell me.’
Girl, muttering: Well, I wouldn’t smell it again anyway because it didn’t smell very good.

38 Exchange Street
New Hampshire

Overheard by: Crystal