Archive for 2007

If You Want­ed to Know If I Found You At­trac­tive, Bob, All You Had to Do Was Ask.

Re­cep­tion­ist: Thank you for call­ing ABC Com­pa­ny*. How may I as­sist you?
Caller: Is Bob*, Tom*, or Lar­ry* avail­able?
Re­cep­tion­ist: Yes, sir, all three are avail­able. Do you have a pref­er­ence?
Caller: Sex­u­al?
Re­cep­tion­ist: [Long, awk­ward si­lence.] No, sir, I meant do you have a pref­er­ence for who you’d like to speak to?
Caller: Um… Just pick who­ev­er’s cutest and makes more mon­ey.
Re­cep­tion­ist: Um­mm… Okay… It’s a plea­sure to con­nect you…

16th Street and L Street NW
Wash­ing­ton, DC

Over­heard by: I can’t be­lieve I work here…

Wait, You Say It’s What Would Je­sus Do?

Soc­cer mom #1: The oth­er night I saw a home­less man on the ground. It looked like he had fall­en out of his wheel­chair.
Soc­cer mom #2: Oh, no! Did you help him get back in it?
Soc­cer mom #3: No, you re­al­ly should­n’t, be­cause he could hurt you.
Soc­cer mom #2: … Or bite you.

Scran­ton, Penn­syl­va­nia

By the Way, Is Our Re­frig­er­a­tor Run­ning?

Cus­tomer on phone: How much is two hun­dred dol­lars worth of oil?
Work­er bee: 75 gal­lons.
Cus­tomer: No, I said how much is two hun­dred dol­lars worth of oil?
Work­er bee: Ma’am, two hun­dred dol­lars will buy you 75 gal­lons.
Cus­tomer, ex­as­per­at­ed: No, no, no! How much. Is two hun­dred dol­lars. Worth of oil?
Work­er bee, con­fused now: Um… Two hun­dred dol­lars?
Cus­tomer: That’s what I was askin’ you! Je­sus! [Hangs up.]Worker bee: Did she just call up to ask me whether two hun­dred dol­lars is worth two hun­dred dol­lars?

Newark, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: Gyp­sy

Now Where’s That Air­plane Glue?

Girl: Oooh, I feel dizzy.
Cowork­er: Why?
Girl: This mark­er, I think.
Cowork­er: What about it?
Girl: Well, it says ‘scent­ed,’ but when I smelled it it gave me a headache.
Cowork­er: That says flu­o­rescent, as in it’s a high­lighter.
Girl: It says scent­ed.
Cowork­er: Flu­o­res­cent means ‘bright­ly col­ored,’ it does­n’t mean ‘smell me.‘
Girl, mut­ter­ing: Well, I would­n’t smell it again any­way be­cause it did­n’t smell very good.

38 Ex­change Street
New Hamp­shire

Over­heard by: Crys­tal