Archive for 2007

Why Women’s Thoughts Should Remain Mysterious

Cube dweller #1: So she was talking dirty to me last night and I was all asking her what she was thinking about.
Cube dweller #2: Yeah? What was it, dude?
Cube dweller #1: She was thinking about some role playing shit, so I told her to tell me details, you know? I wanted to know exactly what it was!
Cube dweller #2: Yeah…
Cube dweller #1: So she starts laughing and says, ‘I was actually trying to decide what boots I wanted to wear.’ I’m like, ‘You’re talking about boots when I have a fucking hard-on? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!’
Cube dweller #2: Did you do it anyway?
Cube dweller #1: Naturally…

Scituate, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Glad my wife doesn’t wear boots….

Sadly, Brad Never Graduated from the Simulator

Dude: Are you looking at pictures of naked women again?
Man: What kind of stupid question is that?
Dude: Yeah, sorry.
Man: Why don’t you ask me what I’m breathing? ‘Breathing some air there, huh? Boy, you sure do like your air.’
Dude: Yeah, I know, sorry. Hey — that one’s pretty.
Man: Tell me about it.

Starbucks
New York, New York

All My Botched-Surgery Cash Goes Straight into My Pocket!

Cube dweller #1: So, you were skinny before?
Cube dweller #2: Yeah, I had a botched hernia. They nicked my bowel — it was like taking a dump on your organs.
Cube dweller #1: Man, that sucks. Didn’t you get a big settlement for it?
Cube dweller #2: No, because I survived. Besides, the old lady got most of it in the divorce.
Cube dweller #1: Man, I’m never getting married.

Simi Valley, California