Archive for 2007

Just a Good One with a Bad Tem­per

Restau­rant man­ag­er shoo­ing out two va­grants: Guys, you’ll have to leave. Go on.
Va­grant #1: How long you been in the klan?
Restau­rant man­ag­er, tak­en aback: Ac­tu­al­ly, I’m Catholic and the klan is very an­ti-Catholic.
Va­grant #2: No. No! They were Catholics!
Restau­rant man­ag­er: You’re wrong. Class dis­missed. Now get your ass out of here or I’ll have the dish wash­ers put you two moth­er­fuck­ers in the trash com­pactor, ass-to-mouth.
Va­grant #1: You a bad Catholic!

Cir­cle Cen­tre Mall
In­di­anapo­lis, In­di­ana

Over­heard by: Shat­man­du

Tech­ni­cal­ly You’ll Be Wear­ing All Black and Shim­my­ing Up the Trel­lis

In­ves­tiga­tive jour­nal­ist on phone: Hon­ey, please, you’ve got to get me those records. With­out them we don’t have a sto­ry! In or­der to do this sto­ry, I re­al­ly need you to get me those records, hon­ey. I know you have ac­cess to them… Well, no, you won’t tech­ni­cal­ly be ly­ing to the po­lice.

TV news show
New York, New York

Over­heard by: Lind­say

Some­times a Man Just Can’t Help Salut­ing

Mil­i­tary con­trac­tor: Well, on one hand he said I was one of the most ef­fi­cient peo­ple he’s ever worked with. On the oth­er hand, I al­most got a lieu­tenant kicked out un­der ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.’

Eglin Air Force Base
Flori­da

Un­for­tu­nate­ly, the Stage Name ‘Mr. T’ Was Al­ready Tak­en

Cowork­er #1: Is that green tea?
Cowork­er #2: Yeah.
Cowork­er #1: Is there such a thing as blue tea?
Cowork­er #2: I don’t think so.
Cowork­er #1: Maybe blue­ber­ry fla­vored would be blue. Is there blue­ber­ry tea? Blue tea would be crazy!
Cowork­er #2, shrug­ging: I’m not sure. There might be, but I’m not a tea ex­pert.
Cowork­er #1: I am. I’m a tea con­nois­seur. I know all about tea. Well, the let­ter T. I know all about the let­ter T. I can write it in all kinds of an­cient, ar­cha­ic lan­guages.
Cowork­er #2 [Blank stare.]

9785 Towne Cen­tre Dri­ve
San Diego, Cal­i­for­nia