Worker bee: I don’t have his cell phone, but he’s always at his desk… Except when he isn’t.
4339 Corporate Center Drive
Las Vegas, Nevada
Worker bee: I don’t have his cell phone, but he’s always at his desk… Except when he isn’t.
4339 Corporate Center Drive
Las Vegas, Nevada
Admin: Well, when you feel better we have to talk. We have to make sure everyone knows that my job is so important.
Manager, sighing: Yes, Terri*, we’ve had this conversation. It’s not good to be so needy or crave so much recognition.
Admin: I have so much to offer! So many people are doing double work!
Manager: Cheer down, girlfriend. No one really cares.
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Lawyer: Does it smell in here?
Secretary: Yeah, it smells like bacon.
Lawyer: It smells like the kind of bacon grasshoppers eat.
Bridgewater, New Jersey
Boss: So, I decided that when I turn 40 I’m going to not swear as much, and I only have a week left!
Assistant: Yeah, say ‘fuck’ a lot.
Boss: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck… That’s my favorite word ever!
Portland, Oregon
Creative director: I’m trying not to push myself today. I kind of had a spinal tap at three A.M.
29th Street
New York, New York
Coworker on phone: You have to go East… How should I know? I don’t know East from West!
Melville, New York
Overheard by: Super Mike
Grunt #1: Seriously, dude, what the hell is up with Ahmed’s* hair?
Grunt #2: I know what you mean. It’s like someone turned up the gamma setting on his head — like, all the way.
555 West Imperial Highway
Brea, California
Overheard by: Yannibmbr
Queer boss to new female employee: Don’t waste your time being a man who has sex with women.
Boston, Massachusetts
Boss: Why does your ‘Help’ work?
Employee: Because I installed it and set it up correctly.
Boss: Why doesn’t Greg’s* ‘Help’ work, then?
Employee: Do you want me to go in there and help him wipe, too?
4500 Research Way
Corvallis, Oregon
Production manager: As the wrestler Mr. Perfect used to say, ‘It ain’t easy being perfect, but somebody’s gotta do it!‘
Sales guy: Hey, you’ve got coffee on your shirt.
Production manager, crestfallen: Oh… I guess I’m not perfect, after all…
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Nikki
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist