Engineer: What’s the time frame on this? I don’t have time for it right now.
Project manager: ASAP, but it can wait for now.
Von Karman Avenue
Irvine, California
Archive for November, 2007
Just Accept That Some of Your Colleagues Will Be Scumbags
Male peon in restroom: Hey, I didn’t know we had soap in here!
8110 South Harvard Avenue
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Icked out female coworker
I’ll Get Back to You Later With Some Followup Questions
Office drone #1, rubbing head: I’m so confused.
Office drone #2: Boys have penises and girls have vaginas.
Office drone #1: Uh, thanks, but that’s not what I meant.
Eldridge Parkway and Memorial Drive
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Johnny
… That Your Coffee Was Poisoned
Boss, during staff meeting: Does anyone have anything to add?
Coworker: Yeah, I just wanted to say that–
Boss: –Man, this coffee tastes weird! [Shrugs and continues drinking.]
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Did You Need Another Reason Not to Wear Camel Hair?
Man #1: Yeah, sometimes things are just different.
Man #2: Yeah, sometimes I get rug burn on my love handles.
Home office
Bentonville, Arkansas
Overheard by: SamsGuy
Why All Service Industries Should Have Customer Ejector Buttons
Creepster customer: You working hard?
Cute cashier: Yes, sir!
Creepster customer: Well, if you follow me out back, I could find a few ways to work you harder.
Cute cashier: No, thank you, sir.
Creepster customer: Alright, cutie, don’t say I never tried to give you anything [pays and leaves].
Cute cashier, dropping the perky act: What a fucking asshole! I hope his dick get an infection and falls off. [New customer walks up, and cute cashier resumes perky act] How are you doing?!
Grocery store
Farmville, North Carolina
Kidding! Just Kidding, Mrs. Glick!
Employee: I don’t want anymore customers to come in.
Manager: I know, me either. [As old lady with walker approaches door] Dammit… I hope she dies before she gets to the door.
Portland, Oregon
Chickens in Guy-Suits Are Much More Common in Politics
Reporter #1: How should I identify a chicken at a press conference? There was a guy in a chicken suit who refused to give me his name.
Reporter #2: If it was a guy in a suit, I think you’d have to call him an ‘Unidentified chicken impersonator.’
400 East Pratt Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Jack Ace, reporter-at-large
Relax — That’s Just Canadian for “Good Morning”
Overworked CSR: Sir, at any point in our conversation today did I provide you with my name?
Customer: No.
Overworked CSR: Good — fuck you [hangs up].
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
They’re Always Taking Supplies and, Like, Using Them for Work
New girl: Why is the door to the file room always locked?
Veteran: Because someone might steal something.
New girl: Who all has a key?
Veteran: Everybody.
Columbia University
New York, New York