IT help desk: Mine are nothing like yours. Yours get so fluffy when I put them in my mouth.
500 Howard Street
San Francisco, California
Archive for August, 2007
Did You Get the Package I Sent?
Girl answering phone: Hi.
Guy on speaker: Hey… What are you doing?
Girl: Nothing.
Guy: Don’t e‑mail me today.
Girl: Why?
Guy: They are using my computer for a presentation.
Girl: Oh, okay.
Guy: I don’t need them seeing ‘Eff you!‘
Girl: Haha, I never put that in the subject line.
Guy: Right… Or ‘I eff-ing hate you… And I’m not joking.‘
Girl: Hahaha, I haven’t said that in so long!
Guy: You texted that to me last night.
Girl: Oh. Hahaha. No, I said, ‘You better be dead… And I’m not even joking!’
Law office, Highway 10 and 403
Ontario
Canadia
He’s Been Coming in a Lot More Since He Got Fired
Suit: When Barry* is out, who should get this report?
Boss: Give it to Barry — he’s in.
Suit: When I asked Susan* I thought she said he wasn’t working today.
Boss: She’s absolutely right. But he is here today.
2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
And You Have Nothing to Be Ashamed Of
Salesman: We’re looking for your shorts!
8531 East Marginal Way South
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Lowly Clerk
Fraternizing Is Wrong, but I Just Can’t Help Myself
Lieutenant: I can’t wait to get my hands on your package and give it a good scrubbing.
Oak Harbor, Washington
You Play Helen Reddy, That’s What You Get
Male coworker: All I hear is, ‘Yap, yap, yap, I’m cold, yap, yap, yap, I’m a woman.
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: Erin
But It’s the Tasseled Loafers You Really Have to Look Out For
Sales manager: Jack* didn’t show up to work today. He probably went to an interview at another company.
VP: Is this the guy with the shoes?
Sales manager: Yep.
VP: Any dude wearing white shoes and a white belt is somewhat suspect…
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Smiths
Why So Many People Work from Home
Disembodied voice: Yeah, I had him for five months — a big ol’ black boy. He had a toilet paper fetish.
Capital of Texas Highway
Austin, Texas
It’s Only Partially about the Kids
Hockey dad: If this snow keeps up, there won’t be any hot-tubbing with the hockey MILFs tonight.
Bachelor: Hockey MILFs?
Hockey dad: You better believe it.
Highways 24 and 401
Cambridge, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: My kid’s on the wrong hockey team
So, No Mayan Pyramids?
Manager: Yes, next week we’ll all be in Mexico.
Woman #1: I hope you are going to relax this vacation.
Manager: I feel if I don’t run around and see everything, I’m wasting the experience.
Woman #2: Let me explain something clearly to you: vacation is sex, food, sleep, more sex, more sex.
Manager: [Stunned.]Woman #2: That’s why you never come back relaxed. Sex, sex, nap, sex. Repeat that.
Garden State Mall
Paramus, New Jersey
Overheard by: Woman #3
