Manager: At this point we’re only hiring servers who I know will do a really great job.
Waitress #1, with a wink: That’s why I was hired, right? ‘Cause you knew I’d do an awesome job?
Manager: Yes.
Waitress #2: I think I was hired because the regional manager liked me.
Manager: No, you were hired because the restaurant had just opened and we would have hired anybody.
Peppers Ferry Road
Christiansburg, Virginia
Cube dweller: The ranch is very weird today. Not weird-bad, but weird-tangy. It’s like they put some extra zest in it. [Later] Maybe that ranch wasn’t tangy so much as… gone bad.
11150 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Office peon #1: I went to see monster trucks.
Office peon #2: I can’t see you watching monster trucks.
Office peon #1: It was so disappointing. You think there’s going to be all this destruction, but it’s really just a lot of smoke and noise. A flaming man did fall from the ceiling, though. That was pretty cool.
90 5th Avenue
New York, New York
Director: I guess he was too busy measuring gonads. That’s what he does — measures gonads.
11 West Jones Street
Raleigh, North Carolina
Overheard by: How big are they?
Worker bee: In a perfect world everyone should smell like pizza.
Hemel Hempstead
UK
Overheard by: I’d prefer fresh-cut grass
Worker on phone: It’s covered in poo — what do I do?!
Fancy chocolate store, Stony Point Fashion Park
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Yum-yum
Boss: When, in the course of your life, you are traveling to the right you will find that you must take the toll road and pay your dues. There is no free road to the right.
Employee: Uh… Can I have my doughnut now?
Bountiful, Utah
Overheard by: tkt
Little kid: Hey, you want to come to my birthday party? It’s all about hunting and killing and stuff.
TA: Um, I’ll think about it.
Little kid: Listen, your mom isn’t your boss anymore.
Sherwood Street
Missoula, Montana
Overheard by: Casey
Waiter: Is it your birthday today?
Customer: No.
Waiter: Oh, sorry. It’s just that there are a lot of birthdays this year.
Minot, North Dakota
Overheard by: Taggart Snyder
Drone #1: Hey, where were you Saturday night? The ladies were all up on this.
Drone #2: I went to a birthday party.
Drone #1: Hehehehe… What a dumb waste of time. Whose birthday party was it?
Drone #2: Mine.
Drone #1: Oh… Happy birthday.
377 South Oyster Bay Road
Plainview, New York
Overheard by: tonyg