Archive for May, 2007

Oh, and Small­pox Vic­tims!

Boss: Oh, you met Beth* from the Lon­don of­fice? How old did she look?
Woman on phone: Oh, well, she looked old­er than me, so she must in her 50s. Then again, some­times peo­ple look old­er than me, but they turn out to be on­ly 35.
Boss: Cig­a­rette smok­ers.
Woman on phone: … And meth ad­dicts.

Sears Tow­er
Chica­go, Illi­nois

Over­heard by: 22 and nev­er do­ing meth

New­ton’s Last Law

Of­fice pe­on: No mat­ter how many pairs of un­der­wear you have, if you don’t do your laun­dry, even­tu­al­ly you will run out.

501 Jack­son Street
Tope­ka, Kansas

Over­heard by: Laugh­ing at every­one

And I’m Go­ing to Be Com­plete­ly Rigid about This

Old maid boss: Do you have a bon­er over there?
Young male work­er, con­fused: I’m sor­ry, what?
Old maid boss: A bon­er. For fold­ing pa­per [holds up knife]. Do you have one?
Young male work­er: How can you se­ri­ous­ly be call­ing it that? I know you know what that means.
Old maid boss: No, I know you need one if you don’t have one. I’ll get an­oth­er one.
Young male work­er: I know you know what that means. I know you know what that means. I don’t want any­thing to do with it.

6101 O’­Con­nell Av­enue
Col­orado Springs, Col­orado

Over­heard by: TK

Very ’80s

Work­er #1: Wow, that’s a large bush, Pat*.
Work­er #2: Yeah…
Work­er #1: I mean, it’s nice! Do you think it’s large?
Work­er #2: A lit­tle, but I like it.

1700 Mont­gomery Street
San Fran­cis­co, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: stephanie

We Should Talk Like This Less Of­ten

Cube rat #1: I can’t ex­plain my par­ents. They will have a prob­lem with me dat­ing a black guy, but the fun­ny thing is my sis­ter mar­ried a Jew­ish guy and they don’t seem to care. And, you know, what’s the dif­fer­ence be­tween a black man and a white man? It’s just dif­fer­ent skin col­ors. But there are re­al dif­fer­ences be­tween Chris­t­ian and Jew­ish peo­ple.
Cube rat #2: You’re ab­solute­ly right. Jew­ish peo­ple go to church on Sat­ur­day.
Cube rat #11: That’s right.
Cube rat #12: And they peel their food.

Madi­son Street
Bal­ti­more, Mary­land

Over­heard by: Peo­ple in the Sun