Archive for February, 2007

That Was Just a Test Run

Boss to new receptionist: These are some of the noises I make that will annoy you. This is my mouse clicking. This is me kicking the desk in front of me. This is my chair squeaking. Oh, and sometimes I just say ‘shit,’ like I have Tourette’s.
Receptionist: Okay… [They go back to work.]Boss: Shit.

200 West 16th St
New York, New York

Didn’t Dick Get the Pink Slip a While Ago?

Worker bee #1: FYI, dude, don’t email the CEO on things that don’t concern you. I was already handling that with Dick.
Worker bee #2: I’m sorry, did something happen?
Worker bee #1: Yeah, he flipped out! You just missed my ass getting totally reamed out by Dick! [Long pause.] Did I just say what I thi–
Worker bee #2: –Yeah, you did.
Worker bee #1: Fuck! I’m calling him Richard from now on!

Tysons Corner, Virginia

More of a Tax Shelter with a Police Force

Physics teacher: How thick do you think a steel pole would have to be that connected the Earth and the moon if there were no more gravity?
Student #1: 10 inches?
Student #2: Five miles?
Student #3: No, way bigger than that.
Physics teacher: It would be about the size of the state of New York.
Student #1: Damn.
Student #2: Ha! I was right!
Student #3: You think that New York is five miles across?!
Student #2: Okay, that’s more like Delaware-sized. Is Delaware even a state?

Staples High School
Westport, Connecticut

Wrong on So Many Levels

Male law student #1: In chambers the judge said that as soon as those guys get to prison somebody is going to make them their bitch.
Male law student #2: So he said they’d pretty much be full-on ass-raped? Just like that?
Male law student #1: Yeah, pretty much.
Male law student #2: God, that’d be horrible.
Female law student #1: Unless you were gay. Then it’d be like heaven!

Sacramento, California

Overheard by: Attaboy Finch

Friday: Treat Crabs

Guy #1: How was your meeting?
Guy #2: Short and sweet — I have absolutely no action items, except for one.

2141 Rosecrans Avenue
El Segundo, California

Overheard by: they think my iPod is on