Archive for January, 2007

Another Lucky Darwin Awards Contender

Man: Hey, do you know what ski-shooting is?
Lady: Ski-shooting?
Man: Yeah… Ski-shooting… Where you shoot at things while you are skiing.
Lady: Do you mean skeet-shooting? They don’t ski and shoot… They shoot at clay disk things.
Man: Oh, is that what it’s called? So they don’t ski while they are shooting?
Lady: No… But when you try it let me know. I want to see that.

St. Louis, Missouri

Now with 25 Percent More Ash!

Blonde admiring coworker’s haircut: He did a good job. I like that cut a lot.
Redhead: Thanks! I like it, too. It just feels a little greasy ’cause of all that stuff he uses.
Blonde: Ew. Yeah. I hate Pompeii.

Rochester, New York

Overheard by: goofopet

No Police Tape This Time?

Boss: So, how was everybody’s weekend?
Mother of the year, proudly: I got so drunk at my daughter’s sixth birthday party that I passed out on the couch at three p.m. I think my husband kept an eye on all the kids, but either way, everyone was gone when I woke up at 5:30.

Lebanon, New Jersey

Overheard by: she was gone, too, from the sound of it.

Could Be the Year He Moves Out of His Parents’ Basement

Clerk: You know, the adult videos are ‘Buy two, get a third free.’
Best girlfriend evar: Really? Honey, go get that one we were looking at.
Boyfriend: What, the one with the two blondes on the cover?
BGE: No, no — the pirates one.
Boyfriend: Okay, be right back.
BGE, as soon as he’s out of earshot: Quick, while he’s gone can you box up that Spiderman statue behind you, too?

Minneapolis, Minnesota

I Only Left That in the Band Room

Female coworker: So, we have to keep the media room locked now, because the janitor is all upset about the mess the high school kids make.
Male coworker: What kind of mess?
Female coworker: He says they leave gum all over the floor.
Male coworker: What?! That’s so incredibly disgusting!
Female coworker, surprised: You think so?
Male coworker: Yes! I can’t believe it!
Female coworker: You never did anything like that when you were a teenager?
Male coworker, highly indignant: I certainly did not!
Female coworker: You never chewed gum and spat it out on the floor?
Male coworker: Oh… I thought you said ‘cum‘ on the floor…

Washington

Overheard by: juicy fruit

I Asked You First

Old lady coworker: Toys? Yeah, I still play with toys. I have heaps of toys.
Old guy coworker: Yes, I love toys, too. Toys, toys, toys. Toys without the boys.
Old lady coworker: What?
Old guy coworker: What? What are you talking about?

Bourke Street
Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: Jay Blue