Archive for January, 2007

An­oth­er Lucky Dar­win Awards Con­tender

Man: Hey, do you know what ski-shoot­ing is?
La­dy: Ski-shoot­ing?
Man: Yeah… Ski-shoot­ing… Where you shoot at things while you are ski­ing.
La­dy: Do you mean skeet-shoot­ing? They don’t ski and shoot… They shoot at clay disk things.
Man: Oh, is that what it’s called? So they don’t ski while they are shoot­ing?
La­dy: No… But when you try it let me know. I want to see that.

St. Louis, Mis­souri

Now with 25 Per­cent More Ash!

Blonde ad­mir­ing cowork­er’s hair­cut: He did a good job. I like that cut a lot.
Red­head: Thanks! I like it, too. It just feels a lit­tle greasy ’cause of all that stuff he us­es.
Blonde: Ew. Yeah. I hate Pom­peii.

Rochester, New York

Over­heard by: goofopet

No Po­lice Tape This Time?

Boss: So, how was every­body’s week­end?
Moth­er of the year, proud­ly: I got so drunk at my daugh­ter’s sixth birth­day par­ty that I passed out on the couch at three p.m. I think my hus­band kept an eye on all the kids, but ei­ther way, every­one was gone when I woke up at 5:30.

Lebanon, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: she was gone, too, from the sound of it.

Could Be the Year He Moves Out of His Par­ents’ Base­ment

Clerk: You know, the adult videos are ‘Buy two, get a third free.‘
Best girl­friend evar: Re­al­ly? Hon­ey, go get that one we were look­ing at.
Boyfriend: What, the one with the two blondes on the cov­er?
BGE: No, no — the pi­rates one.
Boyfriend: Okay, be right back.
BGE, as soon as he’s out of earshot: Quick, while he’s gone can you box up that Spi­der­man stat­ue be­hind you, too?

Min­neapo­lis, Min­neso­ta

I On­ly Left That in the Band Room

Fe­male cowork­er: So, we have to keep the me­dia room locked now, be­cause the jan­i­tor is all up­set about the mess the high school kids make.
Male cowork­er: What kind of mess?
Fe­male cowork­er: He says they leave gum all over the floor.
Male cowork­er: What?! That’s so in­cred­i­bly dis­gust­ing!
Fe­male cowork­er, sur­prised: You think so?
Male cowork­er: Yes! I can’t be­lieve it!
Fe­male cowork­er: You nev­er did any­thing like that when you were a teenag­er?
Male cowork­er, high­ly in­dig­nant: I cer­tain­ly did not!
Fe­male cowork­er: You nev­er chewed gum and spat it out on the floor?
Male cowork­er: Oh… I thought you said ‘cum’ on the floor…

Wash­ing­ton

Over­heard by: juicy fruit

I Asked You First

Old la­dy cowork­er: Toys? Yeah, I still play with toys. I have heaps of toys.
Old guy cowork­er: Yes, I love toys, too. Toys, toys, toys. Toys with­out the boys.
Old la­dy cowork­er: What?
Old guy cowork­er: What? What are you talk­ing about?

Bourke Street
Mel­bourne
Aus­tralia

Over­heard by: Jay Blue