Archive for 2006

Of Course They’re Ex­pen­sive –They’re Moloko Dis­pensers

Hick girl #1: Look, I’m just say­ing, that bitch was a bitch.
Hick girl #2: She is such a bitch.
Hick girl #1: I know. And her cos­tume was­n’t even fun­ny.
Hick girl #2: I don’t think they’re sup­posed to be fun­ny. I think they’re sup­posed to be scary.
Hick girl #1: Her tits are scary.
Hick girl #2: She’s al­ways showin’ her tits. I don’t wan­na see them scary-ass tits.
Bitch: My tits are ex­pen­sive, you stu­pid hick bitch­es.
Hick girl #1: Why did­n’t you say you were in there, bitch? God, you’re a bitch.
Hick girl #2: Bitch.

Nashville, Ten­nessee

Has She Tried the Front Wipers?

Man­ag­er: Where’s Pat­ti*?
Work­er: Her hus­band is hav­ing that cadil­lac surgery. She won’t be in un­til lat­er.
Man­ag­er: Cadil­lac surgery?
Work­er: You know — when they take the globs off of your eyes so you can see?

Rochelle Park, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: ad­min in charge

I’m Al­so Re­al Good at Hid­ing in the Stock Room

Chick: So you don’t know any­thing about any­thing be­hind the ser­vice desk?
Old man­ag­er: No, noth­ing.
Chick: So what hap­pens if some­one comes in here and robs us? You don’t know how to push the but­ton to call the cops?
Old man­ag­er: No.
Chick: So… what if that hap­pens?
Old man­ag­er: I do know how to hire a new per­son.

Lawyers Road
Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: CSRep­ping­sucks.

For a Tele­mar­keter Who Has an IQ above 70, Press ‘2’

Home­own­er an­swer­ing tele­phone: Ho­la.
Tele­mar­keter, in bro­ken Eng­lish: I am call­ing to tell you about a new call­ing plan…
Home­own­er: No habla In­gles.
Tele­mar­keter: Do you speak Eng­lish?
Home­own­er: No habla In­gles.
Tele­mar­keter, speak­ing very slow­ly: Then I will speak Eng­lish very slow­ly to you.
Home­own­er: No habla In­gles, adios.

921 South Ir­by Street
Flo­rence, South Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: Dun Ben Ther