Archive for 2006

How about I Shoot You in the Tem­ple and We’ll See Which Way You Re­coil

Boss: I want to put new la­bels on these binders. The la­bels must be cap­i­tal­ized and all face the same way. [Tilts head to the left, and then to the right] I am just not sure which way I want them to face. I don’t know if I pre­fer to tilt my head to the left, [tilts head again to the left], or if I pre­fer tilt­ing to the right.

San­ta Cruz, Cal­i­for­nia

The Gun In My Hand Will Be the Tip-Off

Guy #1: Hey, I thought you left al­ready. When is your last day?
Guy #2: No, I’m still here un­til Thurs­day. Why?
Guy #1: I just want­ed to know when you’re still just work­ing here and when I should call se­cu­ri­ty.

7‑Eleven, 3rd Av­enue
New York, New York

And She Keeps Track of What STDs I Have

Cus­tomer, run­ning: What aisle are your con­doms in?
Cashier: Oh, um… aisle sev­en.
Cus­tomer: Thanks! Quick, quick, I’ve got the girl in the cab!
20-some­thing guy be­hind him: Oooh, picked up a girl in the bar, eh? What’s her name?
Cus­tomer: Don’t know — all I know is my wife is in Seat­tle.

Wal­greens, 4th Av­enue
Brook­lyn, New York

Over­heard by: Oth­er Cashier