Archive for 2006

It’s Fun­ny, Though — There’s This One Where Every­one Has a Four-Year Sen­tence

In­tern chick: Where’s Itha­ca?
Bronx boy: It’s up­state.
In­tern chick: Up­state?
Bronx boy: Way up­state.
In­tern chick: So where are we?
Bronx boy: We’re south­ern. The very south­ern tip of New York.
In­tern chick: OK, how far north is it?
Bronx boy: Re­al­ly far north… it’s near pris­ons, if you re­al­ly want to know the truth.

125th Street & Lenox Av­enue
New York, New York

Just Take It! What’s He Go­ing to Do, Tell You You’re Shoplift­ing?

Cus­tomer: I’m look­ing for one of those things where I can plug it in­to my TV’s video and plug like four video game sys­tems in­to it and push a but­ton to switch be­tween them.
Em­ploy­ee: Yeah, I don’t think we sell those.
Cus­tomer, pick­ing up item: I’m look­ing for this.
Em­ploy­ee: Oh, we don’t sell those.
Cus­tomer: You… don’t… sell these?
Em­ploy­ee: No.
Cus­tomer: You’re sure?
Em­ploy­ee: Yeah, we def­i­nite­ly don’t sell those.
Cus­tomer: You don’t sell these? This thing that I picked up off your rack with a price tag on it?
Em­ploy­ee: No. Cir­cuit City might car­ry them, though.

Best Buy
As­to­ria, New York

But the Pash­mi­na Goats Are Fine with You Tak­ing That Stuff, Be­cause No Woman Wants a Beard

Em­ploy­ee #1: Yeah, so PE­TA has helped me un­der­stand the cru­el­ty an­i­mals are sub­ject­ed to by hu­mans.
Em­ploy­ee #2: I’ve seen some of the videos. Heinous.
Em­ploy­ee #1: Like that shirt you’re wear­ing, it’s made of cot­ton, right? You should­n’t be wear­ing it.
Em­ploy­ee #2: Huh? Why not?
Em­ploy­ee #1: It re­al­ly hurts the sheep when they are shorn.

Bed Bath & Be­yond
Cape Cod, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: De­bauched An­gel

Ei­ther That or a Pair of Pants

Main­te­nance tech #1: An­i­mal Con­trol is on the way to re­move the dead skunk car­cass. I’ll let you know when they get here.
Main­te­nance tech #2: Uh, go ahead and call them back and tell them not to come. We checked it out and it’s a used ba­nana peel.
Main­te­nance tech #1: Ten-four.

6400 Lega­cy Dri­ve
Plano, Texas

Over­heard by: Shak­ing Head