Archive for 2006

It’s Their Well­ness Pro­gram

Gen­er­al man­ag­er: Feel­ing bet­ter to­day?
Wait­ress, laugh­ing: Oh, yes!
Gen­er­al man­ag­er: Why are you laugh­ing?
Wait­ress: Oh, it’s noth­ing.
Gen­er­al man­ag­er: No, tell me!
Wait­ress: I can’t!
Gen­er­al man­ag­er: Is it girl stuff?
Wait­ress: No.
Gen­er­al man­ag­er: Well, then tell me!
Wait­ress: Ok. I’m feel­ing bet­ter be­cause I got re­al­ly fuck­ing stoned last night.
Gen­er­al man­ag­er: Dope­head.

Beau­mont, Texas

Plus, They Poop All Over Your Suit

Male co-work­er: I don’t un­der­stand why tak­ing your ba­by on your lap in an air­plane is such a bad idea.
Fe­male co-work­er: Dude, what if you crash? That can’t be safe.
Male co-work­er: You’re right, I guess. Ba­bies prob­a­bly don’t make great flota­tion de­vices.

590 North Shore Dri­ve
Mil­wau­kee, Wis­con­sin

Over­heard by: Ash­ley

It’s Al­ways Hap­py Hour Some­where

Ad­min on phone: I’m sor­ry, that per­son has left for the day. We close at 5 PM.
Caller: Well, it’s on­ly a lit­tle af­ter 4 here, so does that mean that I, like, have to call you in your time zone?
Ad­min: Uh, well, yes. Yes, you do…

Mount Desert Is­land, Maine

Over­heard by: snoop­er­vi­sor

Who’s on (Safe­ty) First?

Re­cep­tion­ist: Hel­lo! Thank you for call­ing Avon Safe­ty*, where safe­ty comes first. How may I di­rect your call?
Voice #1: How do I di­rect the call?
Voice #2: [indecipherable]Voice #1: I don’t know. That’s all it says…
Re­cep­tion­ist: Hel­lo? This is not a record­ing.
Voice #1: She said it’s a record­ing.
Re­cep­tion­ist: No! This is not a record­ing! Hel­lo?
Voice #1: What do I do?
Voice #2: Hang up.

Avon, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: Fae

Oh, Okay. Tweet­ie.

Teen girl, hold­ing a bag with a dead bird in­side: My grand­fa­ther called ear­li­er about get­ting this bird checked for West Nile virus. He found it in his yard.
Of­fice clerk: Ok, I re­mem­ber talk­ing to him this morn­ing. I need to get some in­for­ma­tion from you first. Now, what was his name?

The girl’s eyes get big, and she looks at the bag.

Of­fice clerk: No, not the bird’s name. I need to know your grand­fa­ther’s name.

616 Court Street
Ober­lin, Louisiana

Over­heard by: Vicky

Or Tom­my Lee

Fe­male em­ploy­ee #1: …so if the sun ex­plod­ed sev­en min­utes ago, we would­n’t know it yet, be­cause it takes eight min­utes for the sun’s light to reach us.
Male em­ploy­ee: That’s de­press­ing! What would you do in those sev­en min­utes?
Fe­male em­ploy­ee #1: If I were at work? Have sex.
Male em­ploy­ee: Is­n’t that’s a lot of pres­sure on the guy?
Fe­male em­ploy­ee #1: Please. Guys are usu­al­ly all, “Gimme two min­utes!“
Fe­male em­ploy­ee #2: You could do three guys in that time!
Fe­male em­ploy­ee #1: Three and a half!

Boule­vard Sacré Coeur
Gatineau, Que­bec

Over­heard by: Sara