Archive for 2006

It’s Their Wellness Program

General manager: Feeling better today?
Waitress, laughing: Oh, yes!
General manager: Why are you laughing?
Waitress: Oh, it’s nothing.
General manager: No, tell me!
Waitress: I can’t!
General manager: Is it girl stuff?
Waitress: No.
General manager: Well, then tell me!
Waitress: Ok. I’m feeling better because I got really fucking stoned last night.
General manager: Dopehead.

Beaumont, Texas

Plus, They Poop All Over Your Suit

Male co-worker: I don’t understand why taking your baby on your lap in an airplane is such a bad idea.
Female co-worker: Dude, what if you crash? That can’t be safe.
Male co-worker: You’re right, I guess. Babies probably don’t make great flotation devices.

590 North Shore Drive
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Ashley

It’s Always Happy Hour Somewhere

Admin on phone: I’m sorry, that person has left for the day. We close at 5 PM.
Caller: Well, it’s only a little after 4 here, so does that mean that I, like, have to call you in your time zone?
Admin: Uh, well, yes. Yes, you do…

Mount Desert Island, Maine

Overheard by: snoopervisor

Who’s on (Safety) First?

Receptionist: Hello! Thank you for calling Avon Safety*, where safety comes first. How may I direct your call?
Voice #1: How do I direct the call?
Voice #2: [indecipherable]Voice #1: I don’t know. That’s all it says…
Receptionist: Hello? This is not a recording.
Voice #1: She said it’s a recording.
Receptionist: No! This is not a recording! Hello?
Voice #1: What do I do?
Voice #2: Hang up.

Avon, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Fae

Oh, Okay. Tweetie.

Teen girl, holding a bag with a dead bird inside: My grandfather called earlier about getting this bird checked for West Nile virus. He found it in his yard.
Office clerk: Ok, I remember talking to him this morning. I need to get some information from you first. Now, what was his name?

The girl’s eyes get big, and she looks at the bag.

Office clerk: No, not the bird’s name. I need to know your grandfather’s name.

616 Court Street
Oberlin, Louisiana

Overheard by: Vicky