Archive for 2006

That’s Dif­fer­ent From What He Said Last Week at the Of­fice Par­ty

Boss: Does any­one have any ques­tions?

Em­ploy­ee asks in­volved ques­tion.

Boss: You know what? I have a mil­lion ques­tions that you can­not an­swer.
Em­ploy­ee: But you asked if any­one had any ques­tions.
Boss: Yeah, and if I asked if any­one had to go to the bath­room, I would­n’t ex­pect you to whip it out and take a whiz right here.

Stam­ford, Con­necti­cut

Over­heard by: Spac­ing Out

Yeah, I Think the Nige­ri­ans Took that Over in the ’50s

Co-Work­er #1: So is Mum­bai, like, a coun­try that we do busi­ness with?
Co-Work­er #2: No, it’s a city! It used to be called Bom­bay be­fore those im­pe­ri­al­ist Amer­i­can jerks fi­nal­ly pulled out and the na­tive peo­ple got their land back.
Co-Work­er #1: Oh. So it was Moscow that was the coun­try I was think­ing of?
Co-Work­er #2: Prob­a­bly.

323B 41st Av­enue
Cal­gary, Cana­dia

No­body Who Says ‘Lan­guish’ Would Ever Get Pro­mot­ed in the US

Boss: So, I have a prob­lem with giv­ing you the job, even though I know you can do it.
Work­er: What’s the is­sue?
Boss: You seem to be an­noyed with us, and you’re not up­beat enough af­ter what hap­pened.
Work­er: What hap­pened is that I lived the val­ues, de­liv­ered on every­thing, then the or­ga­ni­za­tion to­tal­ly screwed me over, gave my job to some­one else, and left me to lan­guish for a year with no cer­tain­ty about my fu­ture. Now you’re say­ing you can’t give me an­oth­er job be­cause you’ve been such dick­heads?
Boss: I know it sounds bad.

388 George Street
Syd­ney, Aus­tralia

Maybe ‘Shape It Up’ Might Have Been More Ap­pro­pri­ate

Em­ploy­ee: Can I help you find some­thing?
Fe­male cus­tomer: No…Actually, yes. I can’t find any CDs by De­vo.
Em­ploy­ee: Hm. What genre?
Girl: I would say rock, but…
Em­ploy­ee: D‑I-V‑O?
Girl: No, D‑E-V‑O.
Em­ploy­ee: That sounds re­al­ly fa­mil­iar. Let me go take a look. [Starts to turn]Girl: Yeah, “Whip it!” [Makes whip crack mo­tion]

Em­ploy­ee looks hurt and obliv­i­ous as he walks away.

1515 West High­way 114
Grapevine, Texas