Archive for 2006

Want­ed: Necro­mancer (This Po­si­tion Is Part-Time)

Work­er #1: Hi, Sal­ly*, my ID has ex­pired. How can I get it re­newed?
Work­er #2: I sup­pose the oth­er peo­ple on our team will al­so be ex­pir­ing soon, too. Do we need to ad­dress them now, or should we wait ’til they ac­tu­al­ly ex­pire al­so?

55 East Hart­land Street
East Hart­ford, Con­necti­cut

Over­heard by: Lin­da BoBin­da

His Next Call Is to Na­pa Au­to Parts to Make Din­ner Reser­va­tions

Host­ess: Thank you for call­ing Na­pa 29, how can I help you?…I’m sor­ry, sir, this is a restau­rant, not an au­to parts store…No sir, this is not Na­pa Au­to Parts…No, sir…Sir, this is a restau­rant. I don’t know how much a car­bu­re­tor costs…Sir, I re­al­ly don’t…Three hun­dred dol­lars and eighty nine cents…Yes, sir. Have a nice evening.

280 Teller Street, Suite 130
Coro­na, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Sara

I Re­pose That You’re Right

Girl: So I told them to just go ahead and ship the ex­tra re­ports to our sup­pos­i­to­ry in —
Guy: ‑Wait, I’m sor­ry, what did you just say? Did you say “ship the re­ports to the sup­pos­i­to­ry”?
Girl: Yeah…
Guy: Um, it’s “repos­i­to­ry.” Sup­pos­i­to­ries are pills that go in your ass.

Pause.

Girl: Fuck.

Route 1 South
Prince­ton, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: Emi­ly

But You Can Pour This Cap­puc­ci­no in Your Un­der­pants

Star­bucks cus­tomer: Yes, I’d like a grande Dolce & Gab­bana lat­te?
Ex­treme­ly pa­tient bar­rista: You mean a Dolce cin­na­mon lat­te?
Star­bucks cus­tomer: No! I said Dolce & Gab­bana, and that’s what I want!
Ex­treme­ly pa­tient bar­rista: I’m sor­ry, ma’am, we don’t sell that here any­more.

Star­bucks, In­di­an Riv­er Road
Vir­ginia Beach, Vir­ginia

Over­heard by: a smarter cus­tomer.

Lo­cal Sports Ed­i­tor Ar­rest­ed by Kar­ma Po­lice; Sen­tenced to Ride ‘It’s a Small World’ in Per­pe­tu­ity

City ed­i­tor: Do you think they give you your mon­ey back if your kid dies at Dis­ney World?
Ed­i­tor-in-Chief: No, but Mick­ey Mouse vol­un­teers to be a pall­bear­er at the fu­ner­al.
Sports ed­i­tor, in a Mick­ey Mouse falset­to: Hey guys, what’s in the box?

7 North Jef­fer­son Street
Hunt­ing­ton, In­di­ana

Over­heard by: tricky nik­ki