Archive for 2006

Would It Help If I Of­fered You Cun­nil­im­bo?

In­tern: I’m sor­ry that I did­n’t turn in my time sheet on Fri­day. I was on va­ca­tion and did­n’t have ac­cess to a com­put­er.
Pay­roll of­fi­cial: Well, I’ll let it go this time. Just don’t keep us in lin­go again.

130 Cre­mona Dri­ve
San­ta Bar­bara, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: A dis­be­liev­ing em­ploy­ee

I Won­dered What James Stock­dale Was Up To These Days

Op­er­a­tor: Thank you for call­ing Bayshore Med­ical In­sur­ance*; how can I as­sist?
Caller: So who are you?
Op­er­a­tor: We’re an in­sur­ance com­pa­ny.
Caller: And what do you do?
Op­er­a­tor: We help you with your in­sur­ance.
Caller: I don’t un­der­stand.
Op­er­a­tor: Well, your boss gives you ben­e­fits for work­ing there, and our job is to help you use your ben­e­fits.
Caller: I don’t have any ben­e­fits! I nev­er signed up for this! Did my boss tell you to call me? Is he try­ing to set me up? Who told you to call me?
Op­er­a­tor: Sir, you called me.

Mar­ket Street
San Fran­cis­co, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: The Man

Hon­ey Bunch­es of Retro­virus

Tech #1: Did you see this con­sumer com­plaint? “Your ce­re­al gave me her­pes and AIDS.” I guess we’re giv­ing out AIDS as a spe­cial pro­mo­tion.
Tech #2: We’re putting blood in the prod­uct now?
Tech #1: Know­ing this place, more like­ly it’s se­men.

901 East Whit­more
Modesto, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Chang­ing my break­fast plans